Cosmic Love
by xoxothesubwayfugitive
Summary: As the war begins, Lucius comes to have a new wife, Felicity, who does not come willingly. Their story is long, and complex, and not usually very happy. A deeper look into the private world of the Malfoys. More Snape and Draco appearances in later chapters. Dark, slight AU where the war lasts many, many years.
1. The Beginning

**This is my magnum opus; something I've been working on and thinking about for at least 5 or 6 years. Many drafts have been written, and I've explored all sorts of different routes and angles. I never really thought I'd share it, but at last I've decided there's no point in keeping it to myself. I love my OC a lot, she's been living in my heart for a long time, and I think if you like Lucius/Hermione, you will like this story.**

 **This will probably be slow uploading, and if you have any ideas for how you'd like it to go, please tell me! Honestly, I still haven't picked an ending.**

 **Be warned - this is very, very dark. I'll put trigger warnings on chapters if they need them.**

* * *

"Lucius, did you and Narcissa ever consider having more children?"

"My Lord?"

"I think you understand the question, Lucius."

"Draco's birth was very difficult, and Narcissa did not need to be submitted to such pain again."

"I see. And how is Narcissa?"

"Well, My Lord."

"Is she? You know, rumors do fly around here, and I have heard that she is feeling quite ill."

Hasty excuses made, Lucius burst out of the room and made his way to their bedroom, convincing himself that Narcissa would not be there, that she would be in the sitting room as she always was this time of day. But she was there, tucked into bed and barely moving.

"Lucius," she croaked, turning her head to him. "I don't know what happened."

"I do," he replied, taking her hand and smoothing back her hair.

* * *

Two weeks later, the same room. The same men. A new subject.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Lucius."

"Thank you, My Lord."

Silence.

"Do you know Felicity Grey, Lucius?"

"She's in Draco's class."

"Yes, that's her."

More silence. Lucius had been staring at his shoes throughout the whole conversation, hand on top of his cane.

"I'm going to have her brought here, for you."

"I don't…"

"You don't understand, I know. Let me explain. Felicity's parents are good Death Eaters, you know them well. I'm sure Felicity even played in these halls as a girl. But she has left our fold and begun to spend time with Harry Potter and his friends. This leaves me with two options: I can kill her, or I can keep her safe, and keep our secrets safe too. So I've chosen the latter, and with Narcissa gone, she will make a beautiful wife to you. You two can have perfect pureblooded children."

Lucius swallowed hard.

"As you wish, My Lord."

He stood up and left the room, back once more to his bed.

* * *

Stuck tight between her parents, her hands in a chokehold, there was no air, and when they Disapparated there was less.

In the meeting she picked her nails and sat very low in her seat. It was frigid and her mother kept frantically kicking her under the table, trying to rouse her. Then He said her name, and she was wide awake feeling very much like she had fallen off the end of the Great Lake dock.

"It has come to our attention, Felicity, that you consider yourself a part of Dumbledore's Army. For this, I ought to have you killed. Instead, I've thought of something much better."

The only thing she could think of, through all of his explanations, was how she should never have come home. Roger, beautiful man, had asked her to come to his house for Christmas and she had wanted nothing more than to spend a cozy holiday with him and his sister and his funny Muggle-born parents, but a deep sense of familial responsibility and guilt dissuaded her. And now here she was on the execution block while they were surely having a lovely pudding.

* * *

Her parents basically ran out of the room as soon as the meeting ended, and everyone else left fairly quickly. Soon it was just her, frozen in place, and Lucius, standing at the head of the table. He came over to her, and held out his hand. She shut her eyes tight and shook her head, wishing herself away.

"I'm going to take you to a bed. You can sleep there alone. That's it. You don't even have to touch me."

They were there for a long time still, and then she pushed her chair back, and he led her out into her home.


	2. First Things

**TW: rape**

* * *

A long time ago, she and Draco had been friends. Even in their rivalries at school, they maintained a polite respect. He was actually her oldest confidant, exactly her age and one of the few children she had been allowed to interact with. Lucius had been like a father. He would take them to Diagon Alley and heal scrapes, and Narcissa would hold Felicity very close if she was ever frightened or hurt. But this was apparently much longer ago than even Felicity thought.

* * *

The next day, Lucius came and explained things to her. He explained that this was indefinite, that she was expected to be supportive of their cause, that she would not be allowed off the Manor's grounds, and that she wouldn't see her wand again, not for a long time.

"So I'm a prisoner."

"You are my wife."

* * *

Later on, they went to the master bedroom, which Felicity knew her way to instinctively. It was there that she and Draco would play house under the bed, there that they would watch the storms that frightened them, even if they would never admit it. It was there, a long time ago, they had both had their first, innocent kiss.

* * *

"You understand, don't you?"

They were sitting on the edge of the bed, coming to the end of their first day as a couple.

"I don't really, no."

"I don't know what to do then. He'll kill us if this doesn't happen. He wants you to get pregnant, to begin the new pureblood royalty."

She didn't say anything, and he reached over and put his hand on her cheek, kissing her neck. She slapped him, and he gripped her face harder.

"No," he said. "This is not how it will be. You will not make the rules. I am in charge." And he pushed her back onto the bed, running his hand up her leg.

"Lay still." She did not.

"You better lay fucking still, or you will not like the results."

She did not like the results.

* * *

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked the next morning, still sore. Sleep had come fitfully that night, and she felt sinful and sick, her whole life spun round. All she saw when she closed her eyes was Roger's face, their little promises to wait, sweet kisses that ended with kind intentions. She saw piles of school books in her dormitory, waiting for someone who wasn't coming, who wouldn't make it to her NEWTS the next year, or even the year after that. She saw her friends, practicing Defense Against the Dark Arts in a room she wouldn't see again.

"What do you mean?" Lucius asked. He was already dressed, finishing up putting his cufflinks on.

"All day, while you're gone. While everyone is gone."

"I don't know, Felicity. There's a library full of thousands of books, there's a big garden. Draco is here for break, for now. You're on your own."


	3. Boundaries

What she did on her own was this: get dressed in the clothes she found in the closet (they were not her own, although they fit her perfectly), eat the breakfast a trembling house elf brought after Lucius had left, stare in the mirror for 20 minutes and will herself not to cry, and then wander around the big house that she had played in all that time ago. It was mostly the same she found, although some changes to the décor had been made. She didn't open the door she knew to be Draco's, but she peered into the library, the many guest rooms, and finally, the sitting room. This is where she remembered Narcissa sitting whenever she had come over, knitting or reading or playing the piano. Felicity had always admired Narcissa, even more than her own mother, who was saccharine and gaudy where Narcissa was soft-spoken and simply beautiful. Her parents hadn't ever had the same quiet love she saw between Lucius and Narcissa. For a moment, she hurt for Lucius, losing his wife, until she remembered the pain of the night before. Sympathies towards him, she decided, must end there.

There was another wing of the house she didn't know as well. That was where the big dining room was, the ballroom, the larger kitchen. It wasn't for family life, and it wasn't for her. She knew that Voldemort spent much of his time there, and that was where all the meetings with him were to be. She also knew that other Death Eaters stayed there, and that the house elves lived there too. All in all, it was best avoided.

At lunchtime, she didn't know what to do. She couldn't believe she was hungry at all, but her appetite had been good, given the circumstances. Felicity wandered into the kitchen, and stopped in her tracks when she saw Draco standing over the sink eating a sandwich. She opened her mouth but had no idea what to say, and he just glared, brushing past her and disappearing down the hall. After that, she had to sit down.

* * *

"You didn't come to dinner," Lucius said, coming quietly into the sitting room. After meeting Draco and losing her appetite, she had gone in and just sat there, staring out the window for the rest of the day. The hours had passed easily, she found, and she barely noticed the day getting darker. The only light now came from sconces in the hallway.

"I didn't know there was dinner," she said, not turning to look at him.

"I'm sorry I forgot to tell you. We have dinner every night at 7 in the family dining room. You remember where it is, I assume."

"Yes."

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

They stayed there in silence, watching the stars come out.

"Felicity, I don't like this any more than you do," he finally said. "I loved Narcissa more than anything. But neither of us have a choice."

"No. You had a choice. You could have chosen a long time ago, and if you really loved your family so much, we wouldn't be in this position at all."

"Be that as it may, I'll expect to see you in bed within the hour." He started to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"To my study. As I said, I'll see you shortly."

* * *

The next day he was gone when she woke up. That was better. She got up and looked in the mirror for a long time. She was wearing a nightgown where normally she would wear a Quidditch jersey, and her hair was hanging loose. She hadn't found any kind of toiletries yet, really, and had just been using any old thing that was in the bathtub. Today she would rummage through the drawers and look for hair pins. The skin under her eyes was deep blue. There was a kind of fucked up beauty about it, but nothing she would have chosen.

Felicity felt a cold breeze run across the floor. In a drafty old house this was nothing unusual, but it got her mind spinning. She got dressed in the warmest things she could find, including a beautiful fur lined cloak, and hurried downstairs. She pushed open the front door, and December wind blew her hair back. At the top of the stairs, Draco stood watching her, but she did not feel his presence, or turn to him. For a moment, she felt great hope, and joy, pressing against her ribs, never considering that she might be doing something wrong.

 _Surely,_ she thought, _there is a way out._

* * *

Felicity spent a long time running her hands along the fence. It was wrought iron, bars spaced just slightly too close for her to squeeze through. Anyway, she could feel the strong magic coming from it, and knew the wards wouldn't allow her out, or anyone to even see in. But she kept walking, hope flagging only slightly. The grounds were very extensive, but the sun was only starting to rise, and there was nothing else for her to do.

She walked and walked, never taking her hand off the fence. Once she was about as far from the house as she guessed she would get, she took off her cloak and sucked in hard and tried to squeeze through the fence. No use. She kicked at the frozen ground, trying to dig a hole, but that was futile too, she saw, realizing that she could dig 100 feet on her side only to be met with solid earth where the fence line was. Cloak back on, she continued her walk.

Gnarled groves of trees, fountains and statues of mythic wizards, a labyrinth: nothing she saw surprised her. This was something she and Draco had done hundreds of times, before she had ultimately been sorted into Ravenclaw. They hadn't been allowed to leave the grounds either, and they would run and run, pretending they were somewhere they couldn't be found. In actuality, she realized as she got older, they were nowhere that someone standing on the back balcony with a cheap pair of binoculars couldn't see. But that day it was misty, and she could barely see the Manor at all. She walked on.

The sun had made its crest, and she was starting to get cold. Soon she knew, she would be back at the front door with nowhere to go but inside.

* * *

At dinner that night, they sat in near silence. There was wine, but Felicity didn't drink. Draco did, copiously.

"Draco tells me you've been exploring, Felicity," Lucius said.

"You're a snitch," she snapped, turning to Draco.

"There's nothing to hide if you're doing nothing wrong, right?" Draco smirked and raised an eyebrow. Remembering herself, Felicity swallowed hard and took a drink of water.

"No, of course not. Tell me, when does school start again? I forget." What she really meant was that she had no idea at all what day it was.

"I'll be out of your hair within the week, Stepmother."

"There's no need for that, Draco. First names serve us," Lucius said over his glass.

"Of course, Lucius."

Lucius grimaced. "I believe you know what I meant. I'm retiring, you are both excused." With that, he pushed back his chair and left the two children to glare at one another.

* * *

True to his word, Draco was gone within a few days. It had been decided he would Floo straight to Snape's office instead of taking the train, and Felicity pressed herself to the wall outside Lucius's study while he and his son said goodbye.

"You have the picture of your mother I gave you, right?"

"Yes, Father."

"Good, that's good." Felicity could hear the distraction in his voice.

"Father, what am I supposed to say? About all this mess?"

"You won't say a word, Draco. If you must talk to someone, Severus will be expecting you." She could hear them embrace.

Earlier that day, she had cornered Draco in the library, begging him with wild eyes to tell someone at school what was happening.

"Please, Draco. Haven't we been good friends? When we were little? Just mention it to anyone, anyone at all. Tell Cho Chang for all I care."

"Felicity, stop." The smirk had slid off his face. He pitied her. "You know I can't tell anyone."

"Just that I'm alive then, just that."

"If anyone finds out you're talking this way, you'll live to regret it."

"I've no doubt the rest of my life will be full of regrets, Draco Malfoy."

"I'm sorry."


	4. Visitation Rights

**TW: miscarriage**

* * *

"Do you remember teaching us to fly? Draco and I, right before we went to Hogwarts?"

"Yes." She waited for him to say more.

This wasn't exactly the conversation she had been hoping for.

"Do you remember what you told us?"

"I don't think so."

"You said you wouldn't have us shown up by anyone, but particularly not by Gryffindors."

"Were you?"

"Unfortunately," she said, twisting her lips, "Harry Potter is a very good Quidditch player."

He didn't have anything to say about that.

"I remember seeing you when I would go see Draco play."

"Ravenclaw won once or twice."

"I know."

"Narcissa would go too."

"Yes."

"I missed you two, you know, when things started to change. You were better parents than my own. Funny, things like that."

"Funny indeed."

* * *

Two weeks went by, then four, two months, half a year. It became apparent that Felicity wouldn't escape, that no one was coming for her at all. Conversation with Lucius stagnated; he was ashamed of everything and only ever opened up to her at night. Sometimes, with embarrassment clouding his voice, he would ask her for services beyond marital duty. Oh, he asked, but she knew "no" was not the right answer, and she would get down on her knees in penitence.

There were meetings to go to, other Death Eaters with cruel faces to talk to. Her parents were always there. She would never speak to them, but she would stare unabashedly at them the whole duration of the meeting, once bringing her mother to fake, wet tears. After that, her father grabbed her by the arm before she could run, barefoot, back upstairs.

"What was that, young lady? Don't you think your mother has feelings?"

"She clearly doesn't; I have seen what it means to love your child and you two are no example of it." Felicity jerked her arm away. "Someone else owns me now," she sneered.

* * *

Lucius had told her to stay upstairs, slamming the bedroom door behind him. What she didn't see was the moment he spent just outside, considering whether or not to lock it.

For the next hour, she could hear mingled voices, some unfamiliar, many of them yelling. They were in the other wing, and they were extremely loud.

After another stretch of time passed, the voices changed. There were just two now, both women, one clearly suffering. Felicity pushed the door ajar. The suffering woman was screaming now. Felicity took a step. The screaming intensified. She took two more, and before she knew it, she was standing outside the door of the formal dining room, listening to Bellatrix Lestrange torture Hermione Granger.

* * *

 _Nothing good can come of this,_ Felicity thought, ear pressed against the door, hand on the knob. _They can't save me._ She was staring to believe this now; their mind games were working. But she kept gripping the knob harder and harder, possibilities spinning around her addled brain.

She could hear Harry and Ron now, and Luna. The voices hadn't been unfamiliar, they were just long lost.

Suddenly, for a minute, everything was quiet. Then, Bellatrix's cruel voice.

"Someone is listening at the door, children. Wouldn't you like to know who?" Felicity's hand flew off the knob, and her breath caught. She turned to run, and the door banged open behind her.

"Say hello, Felicity," Bellatrix said. "These are guests in your home. And hasn't it been so long since they've seen you? Why don't you show them what's changed?" Felicity turned, slowly, wretchedly, to see her friends standing in a line, wands pointed at them by Lucius and Draco.

It was very obvious that she was many months pregnant.

Hermione looked as if she had expected this from the beginning, and Luna looked like she could cry. Harry and Ron just stared. She smiled weakly.

"Felicity," Lucius said, warning. "Go upstairs. I told you to stay upstairs." She couldn't move, her bare feet seemed glued to the floor. She made eye contact with Harry, and felt a little twinge, the memory of another time coming back. He might have raised the corner of his mouth a single millimeter, or maybe he didn't, but she knew intrinsically what he meant to say. It took only one more moment for her to gather her strength and lunge forward, running as fast as she could.

It all happened at once; spells flew and people started to shout again. Felicity stretched out her hand and brushed against Luna's fingertips. She clutched the air in front of her but it was no use; just when her friends were pulled back into the vortex of light, Lucius's arm closed around her waist. Arm still pushed forward, she felt the slightest pull as they slipped away from her, but he was stronger, and determined. They landed on their backs, breath knocked out of them, and the light disappeared. Felicity started crying immediately, and could not stand up. Lucius got up right away, and stood over her, wand pointed down.

"I thought," he said, teeth gritted. "I told you to stay upstairs."

Bellatrix was walking along the wall, breaking the glass of every picture that hung there.

"Oh for God's sakes, Bella. Come on. We have explanations to come up with." He repaired the pictures and grabbed her arm. They left. The door shut, and the sound echoed around and around her. Still, she could not get up.

* * *

Hours later, she rose, and there was blood on her skirt. She took a step, and pain shot through her belly. Felicity fell to her knees, and screamed out his name.

It was Draco who came, ultimately.

"What, what?" he clamored. And then he saw, and understood.

"What have we done?" he asked.

* * *

"What have you done?" Lucius asked, after the Healer left.

"I don't know," Felicity said, turning her head away. She closed her burning eyes. "I wish I did."


	5. Dreamers

In Lucius's dream, he was sitting in the breakfast room with Narcissa. It was sunny and bright, but she looked exactly as she had the last time he had seen her: pallid, with deep circles around her eyes.

"Why did you do this to me?" she asked, turning her head to him. As she turned, her hair fell out of its knot and tumbled down.

"It was for Draco," he tried to say. "If I had fought back, He would have killed Draco."

The words weren't coming out. He said them louder and louder in his head, but all he could do was open his mouth and stare at her.

"I used to think you loved me," she said.

"I did, I do. My love for you is stronger than anything." But his mouth was still frozen, soundless.

* * *

In Felicity's dream, she and Lucius were standing, facing one another, in Flourish and Blotts. It was very crowded, and warm; she felt happy. Then Lucius looked up and over her shoulder, and the space around them filled with fog.

"If you raise that wand any higher, boy, there will be 15 Death Eaters, all bigger and scarier than me, here within one beat of your dying heart."

Felicity turned, and there, standing not two feet from her, was Roger. She couldn't speak, or breathe.

"She's mine now, Davies," she heard Lucius say through all the ringing in her ears. "And she's going to have my baby, and there's nothing you can do."

"Roger," she heard herself say, and in front of her she saw her arm reach towards him. "Save me."

Her arm was snatched back from her, and in a flash they were gone, squeezed tight together with Apparition.

They landed in front of the gates, and her legs gave way with the impact.

 _This is just a dream,_ she told herself somewhere in the waking world, but she couldn't wake up. She looked at his face, all the anger sketched across it.

"Oh get up," Lucius said, jerking on her arm, the very arm that had nearly touched Roger. He unlocked the gates with an easy wave, and dragged her through them, tossing her down hard on the other side. The fog was still everywhere; she couldn't even see the house. Once he had put the wards back up, he turned to her, glowering.

"Save me," he mimicked as she curled into a ball. "No one can save you now."

* * *

In Draco's dream, he and Felicity were little again. They were all in the sitting room, and Lucius took Felicity's hand and led her away while his mother held him, tight. He felt tears fall on his head. That was all.


	6. Changes

He left the Manor for nearly a week after that, out killing Muggles she supposed. In that time she saw no one except the elf, who was terrified to speak to her. Clearly, things had gone from bad to worse with the promise of a child gone.

That was when she felt the first fog start to creep into her brain. Not long ago, she was sure, there had been something outside the Manor. But now there was nothing out there, other than Draco, who would sometimes be home on break. Her whole life was contained neatly within the fence she had once trailed her hand along. Now magic was barely a part of her life; she benefitted from it, but she could make no use of it. It was once again like it was before she had turned 11; taking things to the grownups when they needed mending, asking politely when she needed more light. For a while she had tried to write, but she feared that a diary would be found, and fiction had never been her strong suit. Lucius had never let her fly in case, if she happened to be pregnant and not know, she should fall. So what was there for her to do? Read. And she read and read. Felicity felt like she had read every book ever written after only a few months, and her eyes began to get tired. Words were blending together, and she couldn't tell the things she had thought from what others had written.

When he came back, caked in mud and grumpy, she was waiting by the door.

"Lucius," she said, pressing her little hands against his chest. "I missed you."

"Did you? How strange."

She laughed. "Of course I did. Are you not my husband?"

"I am. Is dinner ready, my wife?"

"I wouldn't know. Can we talk?"

He sat down on the little bench by the door and began to take his boots off.

"What?"

"Lucius, I want to have your child. Soon. I will do anything to become pregnant again."

He stopped with his boots, stopped with everything.

"Anything?" His eyebrows were raised. She was sitting by his feet, looking up with adoring eyes.

"Anything," she swore.


	7. Sedate

Snape came to dinner one night, when Draco was home on a break. They sat around like some kind of fucked up family, and the men talked while Felicity pushed her food around, considering whether or not she wanted to lose any more weight. Sometimes she did, just to be disobedient, and sometimes she didn't, having already lost more than enough.

"Felicity," Snape said, and her head snapped up.

"Severus."

"Lucius tells me you're having trouble conceiving." His voice was choked, and a flush rose quickly to her face.

"Oh my god," Draco said, putting his head in his hands.

"Draco, you may be excused," Lucius said. Draco disappeared with surprising speed, leaving his napkin on the ground.

"Severus, what you've heard is true, unfortunately." She shot a look at Lucius, who raised an eyebrow at her. _Say nothing_ , the eyebrow told her.

"I believe I can help you then, with some potions I have at Hog…" He stumbled over his words. "Elsewhere," he finished. "May I come see you tomorrow, during the day?"

"You may find me in the sitting room, Severus. Thank you for your help. Please excuse me." With that she was gone, wanting very much to hit Lucius on the back of the head on her way out.

* * *

Severus found her the next day just where she said she would be; she rarely left that little room. He knocked on the open door and she stood up, smiling and gesturing for him to enter. He put his little leather covered box down on the coffee table and began to pull out vials. She sat on the floor and watched.

"Professor," she said, voice just above a whisper.

"Ms. Grey." He did not look up from his task.

"Will you please tell them that I understand why they can't save me?"

"I don't think you know what you're saying, Ms. Grey." But he nodded very, very slightly.

They sat awhile longer while he explained each potion to her – what they were for and when and who should take them. Once he had explained all of them, he hesitated, and then pulled one more from his coat pocket.

"This is a mild sedative. If you take it sparingly, it will numb your body and blur your mind for a period of time, but leave you mostly responsive. Do you understand?" She bit her lip. How had it come to this, Professor Snape giving her sedatives just to get through her miserable life?

"I do."

"Good. I would keep it hidden."

* * *

Lucius hated taking medicine before sex. It made him feel impotent, and small. Felicity didn't mind; at least it allowed her to prepare herself for what lay ahead. There were no surprises anymore. After dinner he would tell her to go upstairs and get ready, and she would, waiting patiently in bed, sleepy and numb.

* * *

Inevitably, she ran out of the sedative, and inevitably it was during a stretch of days when Snape wasn't around at all.

"You're so responsive tonight," Lucius murmured in her ear as he ran his hands down her torso. "It's been so long since I've seen you like this." He shifted his weight and pushed inside her, and she groaned.

"I like it," he said.

* * *

Felicity did not like it. She hated feeling him touch her and she hated hearing him say her name. Severus finally returned, and when she managed to get him alone to talk about the sedative, he seemed concerned about how quickly she had used it.

"It's just…" She couldn't even look at him. "I need it every night."


	8. Gone Wrong

**TW: suicide attempt, abuse.**

* * *

On her 18th birthday, they had sex, like always, and afterwards he slipped a ring onto her right hand.

"Thank you," she muttered, turning over to go to sleep. He reached over and wrapped his arms around her, and she thought she would suffocate.

Later, she woke in the night to find him rolled over on his back, and she slipped from bed. In the moonlight, the emerald in the ring shone, and Felicity considered how much it must have cost, and how long the goblin who crafted it must have worked. She pulled it off her finger with the plan to leave it on his bedside table, but it flew out of her grasp and skidded through the open bathroom door. She stumbled into the dark bathroom, and noticed a little glint of light under the sink. But when she crouched down to retrieve the ring, she discovered that the reflection was coming from a piece of mirror that Lucius had broken weeks ago.

She reached down and picked it up, and it pricked her finger ever so slightly. A drop of red fell to the floor.

It thrilled her.

And before she knew it the shard was against her wrist and she was pushing down, hard. Blood began to course across her nightgown, staining the lace crimson. Everything was moving farther and farther away, and her mouth grew numb. Felicity heard a scream echo through the room, and she didn't know from where it came.

When she woke up she was still on the floor, but her head was propped up on a towel. She tasted Blood Replenishing potion in her mouth, and when she tried to stir she found she could barely lift her head. He was there, of course, he was always there. Lucius was washing his hands in the sink, blood staining the cuffs of his dressing gown. But when she looked down, there was no stain on her clothing. It was all washed away; she was clean again. The only reminder of her strife was a raised white line on her wrist. When she finished studying herself, she looked up to him, and the moment their eyes met, she began to quiver. Lucius was standing directly above her, glaring down. The ring was in his hand; she struggled to forms words of apology.

"I suppose," he said, cutting her off before she could begin, "that this is what I get for trying to be nice."

And then he grabbed her arm and pulled her up from the floor, wrapping his arms tight around her as she struggled to stand.

"You've gone too far now," he whispered into her ear.

* * *

This was the beginning of the worst. He told her, over and over, that she clearly needed to be controlled, that her body was not hers, or even his. It was His.

Lucius started lacing her corset in the morning, each day a little tighter until one day the edges touched. He would reach down into the front and pull her breasts up, arranging them just so. She was his little doll, paraded to meetings in low cut dresses. When the meetings ended, he would take her to a room just down the hall, whichever struck his fancy that night, and fuck her so hard that she had no choice but to scream. Everyone heard everything.

She was mindless now. All she could really do, with her corset so tight, was sit and stare out the window. Maybe knit little garments for a baby she knew, intrinsically, would never come. Her world was small, and he was trying to make it smaller.

* * *

She grew quiet, even when Lucius was not there. Draco, done with school now, would sit with her and they would not say one word for hours.

"Felicity?" he asked once, closing the book he was reading.

"Yes?"

"Do you remember being at Hogwarts?" Because really, he was not sure if she did.

"Oh yes."

"Do you think about it often?"

She turned to him and sighed. "I try not to think about it, ever. It hurts so awfully."

"So what do you think about?"

Felicity just stared at him.

"Do you really want to know?" she asked, very hesitant.

"Yes. I don't understand your life here at all."

"Draco…I think about your father. I think about where he is, and who he's with. I think about how to please him, what he wants. I think about the last time we were together, and the next time. And as I'm saying it now, I promise you I can hear how awful it sounds, but that's all I have left."

* * *

Months passed and nothing changed, except her willingness to fight. Soon enough she was docile and sweet and he stopped treating her quite so terribly, and soon enough she was coming when he called. The only problem was the lack of another family member.

They were having sex twice a day, every day, regardless of all other things. This is what he told his master over and over, and what Felicity knew to be true. Severus kept trying new potions, but nothing ever worked. She was just a purposeless trophy.

Finally, He requested to speak to her alone. She was terrified, and so was Lucius. He helped her get dressed, as always, and kissed her neck as they stared at each other in the mirror.

"Is he going to kill me?" she asked.

"Of course not," he said, hesitating for an unnoticeable second.

* * *

"Do you know why you're here?" Voldemort asked.

"I think so," she said, quivering.

"So what are we going to do?"

"My Lord, I don't know what else to do. I want to please you, and Lucius."

They sat in silence until Felicity thought she would start screaming from the fear. Voldemort was holding his wand, tapping it against the arm of his chair.

"Felicity, I brought you to Lucius's home, to punish you, and to punish him. So far, it seems to be working. Your punishment will continue – I know you don't enjoy the time you spend with him, and I see him taking out his frustrations on you. At first his punishment was to be Narcissa's loss, and having to start over in with a new family in the wake of her death. But as it turns out, an even better punishment is the stress that will continue to mount as you continue to be unable to conceive, and as I continue to pressure him."

She didn't speak, keeping her head bowed.

"Do not speak one word of what I have told you to him."

"Yes, My Lord."

"You may leave."

* * *

"I can't tell you what he said," she told him later, as she got undressed for the night.

* * *

Lucius was starting to think that he had grown fond of her. It was springtime again, and sometimes they would go out in the garden together. She would smile at the sun, and he would look at her hair shining. It reminded him of someone else.

Felicity didn't think much at all anymore. She felt hazy and single minded all the time, only able to think about him, really. He was the one who was there with her, the one who helped her get dressed and who ate with her, the one who was with her every morning and every night. She didn't even really think about if it was love or not. It was what it was.


	9. The Secrets We Keep

**I have to apologize if you read this chapter when I first released it - it had taken a very different turn than what you see here, and after thinking about it I felt uncomfortable with the way it was moving the plot; should teach me not to update so fast and furious. This is The Secrets We Keep 2.0. TW: abuse.**

* * *

"What is this?" Lucius came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel and holding a little vial. Felicity knew right away she was in trouble.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" He was close to her now, humidity from the shower still radiating off him.

"No." She tried to be brave, although she wasn't sure what the problem was.

"Well I've never seen it before. Are you accusing someone else of putting it in our bathroom, and hiding it to boot?"

"Maybe it was here before I ever got here."

"Oh I highly doubt that." He put the potion down on the bedside table and moved even closer to Felicity, now getting her chemise wet. "I think it's time to tell me the truth."

She swallowed hard, but didn't speak. He reached up and put his hand around her neck. Felicity began to breath heavily; even through all the years, he had never touched her with such violent intent.

"Tell me where you got this, Felicity," he said, evenly measured and frighteningly calm. He squeezed, and her hands came up to claw at his.

"Severus," she gasped out, and he released her. "Severus gave it to me when he first starting helping us. It's nothing, it's nothing, it just helps me relax."

"Relax."

"Before sex. I take it before we have sex so that I'm not so scared."

He picked the vial back up, and smelled it.

"What does this taste like?" he asked.

"Lemons, and vinegar. It's sour."

"Do you remember making anything like it at school?"

She just stared at him.

"Don't make me start again. Just answer me."

"I don't…I can't remember. I don't know. Maybe…maybe some of the other girls had it?"

"That explains it. Severus is here, isn't he?"

"Yes. He and Draco are playing chess."

Lucius was getting dressed furiously, and he only got on pants and an undershirt before he threw the bedroom door open.

"You stay here," he ordered. He started to leave, and then turned back to take the vial with him. On his way out, he looked at her again. "Actually," he said, "why don't you come with me?" He threw her dressing gown at her, and they left.

* * *

Draco and Severus were in the dining room, playing chess and laughing.

"I hate to break up all this revelry," Lucius said, "but we have a very big problem. Felicity, why don't you sit down? And Professor," he put extra, snobbish emphasis on the word _Professor_ , "why don't you stand up?" As he said this, Lucius pulled the vial from his pocket. Snape blanched, braced himself on the table, and stood. Felicity sat very close to Draco, pressing her knee against his under the table. _I'm scared_ , she tried to communicate. He pressed back. _I know_.

"Do you care to tell me what this is, Severus?"

"Perhaps you could give me some context, Lucius. I'm not accustomed to identifying potions by sight at a meter distance."

"Of course, my dear friend. I found this not more than 15 minutes ago amongst my wife's toiletries in our bathroom. After feigning ignorance, she finally admitted under duress that you had given it to her to help her _relax_."

"That's all true. We both know she's young, and frightened. I'm not usually so sensitive, but I wanted to help her."

"Fine. Denying me marital pleasures is one thing, when you have such noble intentions. But could you tell us all what else this particular brew is known for?"

Severus cleared his throat.

"Some people believe that this sedative also has properties that prevent conception."

"And are you one of those people?"

"Yes."

Felicity felt like someone had dumped ice water over her. It took half a minute before she realized Draco had grasped her hand under the table.

"So you knowingly gave my wife birth control."

"Yes. To save you both from unwanted pregnancy."

"How kind."

"I thought so."

"Although, I do know someone else who might not feel the same way. Who might even punish you for an act of this nature."

"Lucius, please. Have we not been good friends? Don't do this. She'll stop taking it and everything will be fine."

"You're right that she'll stop taking it. Wrong that it will all be fine." Lucius dropped the vial, and when it exploded, Felicity felt her heart break. Next Lucius stretched out his arm, making to touch his Mark. It was then that Felicity jumped out of her seat, wrenching her hand out of Draco's.

"No!" she screamed. Everyone froze, and stared at her. It had been a long time since she had raised her voice above a whisper. "He said it doesn't matter! The Dark Lord said he didn't care if I had a baby! Everything can be fine, we don't have to do this. I can keep taking it and we can both be happy. Don't you want to be happy, Lucius?"

"What is she talking about, Lucius?" Severus asked, his eyebrows raised, voice low.

"I have no idea," Lucius answered, staring at her with probing eyes. "Sometimes Felicity makes things up to protect herself, though. Is that was this is, Felicity?"

"No, I promise." But her strength, mustered in a moment of fear, was waning. "I know what he told me."

"Why would He say that, Felicity? Why would he tell only you, the girl he won't even trust with a wand, one of his deepest secrets?"

"I…"

"So maybe he didn't tell you that?"

"Maybe…" Felicity was starting to forget again, that impenetrable fog creeping back. "I think he did, though. I don't know."

Lucius lifted his hand above his left arm again, and Felicity made eye contact with Severus, who looked more terrified than he ever had. She charged around the table, grabbing Lucius's arm and pulling it down. She worked her hand down to his, and interlaced their fingers.

"Lucius, let's take this as an opportunity." She stood on her tiptoes, and kissed him very deeply. Behind her, she heard Draco cough. Then she reached up and pulled his head down to hers, whispering in his ear. "Let's go to bed right now," she said. "We don't have to fight. We don't have to punish anyone. Let's go, and you can see what I'm like without the sedative. Won't that be nice? I'll do all the things you ask for, I promise. Anything, anything." She was pressing her body ever closer his, and squeezing his hand tighter and tighter. Around her, the air was crackling with still tension. "Please, Lucius, I want to show you what my body can give you. We can make a baby. Please. Let's go forget this. Severus will leave, won't you Severus?" She turned her head to her old Professor, cheek still pressed against Lucius's chest, hands still on him. He looked back, shocked, for a moment.

"Oh, well, yes. Of course," he stuttered. "I'm gone." He looked at Lucius for confirmation, but he was still staring down at Felicity, amazed. Severus took that as a cue, and made his flight. Draco followed close behind, muttering something about needing to take a shower. Felicity backed away from Lucius, leaning against the table. She was breathing very heavily, chest heaving. He stepped back towards her.

"I hope you meant all those promises, little girl," he said. "Because we're about to go test every one of them."


	10. Fault Lines

**Are you reading this? Loving it? Hating it? Review, please!**

 **TW: Serious abuse and rape. Use caution.**

* * *

For a while, she just stood and stared at him, and he stared back. The room wouldn't be still, and she was the center point of its spinning. Finally, Lucius reached out and grabbed her around the waist. She whimpered.

"Please, Lucius, don't be mad. I didn't know what it was. This isn't my fault."

"Whose fault is it?"

She was silent at that. Severus's, she supposed, but to implicate him would be to undo everything she had just fought for.

"So it must be yours, right Felicity? You didn't show me this potion – you purposefully hid it from me. Everything else he gave you, I saw, and we talked about. If I had ever seen this, I would have stopped you right away. And then we really could have both been happy." He placed his hand on the back of her neck, and moved to stand behind her. When he leaned down to whisper to her, his hair brushed her ear.

"Let's go to the bedroom," he said, "so I can try to be happy."

* * *

By morning, their room looked like a crime scene. Her chemise on the floor, ripped down the front. Every other potion Severus had brewed for them, smashed. Blood on the sheets from the scratches on her back. Blood under his fingernails, bruises up and down her arms, and legs, and torso. They slept, almost peacefully, next to one another, both splayed out on their side of the bed. In his hand, still gripped tight, was his wand.

"Maybe someday," he had said earlier in the night, "our child will ask you about how they came to be. And you'll always be able to remember this night, won't you Felicity? The night I choked you with my cock as I held my wand to your head. Won't that be a good story to tell? Or maybe you'll say, 'Oh yes, I still remember the rope your father used to tie my hands.' I'll even let you keep it, Felicity. You can put it in a memory box, along with all this broken glass."

Felicity couldn't answer. She just looked up from her place on the floor, and tried to relax.

* * *

She woke up first, and despite feeling sore, and sticky, got out of bed straight away. She went to the bathroom, and started to run a blistering hot bath. Without hesitation, she got right in, and watched her skin turn red.

He woke up when he heard the water running. He thought back to the time, when she had first arrived, that she tried to drown herself in the bathtub. He thought about it, and thought about going to check on her. Instead, he rolled back over. _Let her drown_.

She stayed in there for a long time; if the water got cold she would drain some out and fill it again. Finally, after she felt like she had sweated away any pain she could, she stepped out, feeling faint. When she went back into the bedroom, he was gone, and everything was clean again.

* * *

Felicity got dressed in an old dress with long sleeves and a high neck. It wasn't very flattering anymore, but it was soft, and that was all she cared about. She straightened the bed, which was already straight, and then sat in the armchair for a while, running her fingers over the patterns in the upholstery. Eventually she got up and walked down the hall, passing Lucius's study. The door was ajar, and she could see him at his desk. Surely he heard her footsteps, but did not look up. She kept walking.

At Draco's door, she knocked. He called for her to come in, and when she did she saw him sitting, just like his father, at his desk. It was cloudy outside, and the only light came from the lamp at his side.

"What are you doing?" she asked. He turned in his chair, surprised that it was her. Never before had she sought him out in his room.

"Writing a letter."

"To whom?"

"A girl."

"Oh." She hesitated, holding the door frame. "Can I lie in your bed?"

"Yes."

Felicity went in, and climbed under the covers, burrowing deep.

"Just wake me up when you want me to leave," she murmured, already half asleep.

When she woke up, it was dark outside, but the lamp was still burning. Someone was knocking at the door. She hid her face under the comforter. Draco got up, and opened the door.

"Have you seen Felicity?" she heard Lucius ask. Draco must have pointed at the lump in his bed, because Lucius cleared his throat and continued. "Leave her there then, if you don't mind. She'll come out when she's ready." The door shut, and the voices moved to the other side. Felicity could hear Draco, clearly upset. Lucius didn't say much. Then the door opened, and shut, again. The lamp turned down, and someone laid down next to her, on top of the covers.

"I wish I could save you, Felicity," Draco said. She opened her eyes and poked her head out. He was lying on his back, hand behind his head.

"Do you think we'll ever see Severus here again?" she asked.

"As long as the Dark Lord doesn't find out about any of this, I'll think we'll see him sooner than you expect. Besides, Severus is too valuable to him. It shouldn't be a problem."

"And will he find out?"

"I'm not going to tell him. Are you?" At that, Felicity laughed. It felt good to genuinely laugh at something.

"I don't think so. But Lucius might."

"He won't. He'll be in as much trouble as Snape, or more. He lost control over you, which is basically the only think he's supposed to do anymore."

"Really?"

"After he got back from Azkaban, he was in a lot of trouble. You weren't here then, but it was really bad. Since you came, he's been allowed to put on an air of superiority again, but it's all a façade. Which is probably why he's so awful to you."

She considered this.

"Draco?"

"Yes?"

"You must…it must have been awful when your mother died."

"It was."

It was a good thing they couldn't see one another in the dark.

"It's my fault," Felicity said.

"I used to think so. But of course it isn't; it's my father's. He made a bad choice a long time ago, and we've all been suffering since."

"So you don't believe in the cause?"

"I don't know. I really don't know anything anymore. All I can tell you is that when you leave this house, it's a nightmare out there, and being on our side makes it a little less awful. And it's hard to forget how you're raised."

"I did."

"And look at how it all came out in the end." There was a hard edge on his words.

Felicity sat up, and rubbed her eyes.

"I should go back to my room," she said.

"Do you really want to?

"No. But I have to."

"No you don't, I know you heard what he said."

"You don't understand, Draco. I have to be with him. You don't understand. And he's done with his cruelty for now, I can tell."

She got out of the bed and smoothed her hair and skirt, trying to stand up straight and wincing a little.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Thank you for letting me rest in here."

* * *

Lucius was already in bed, propped up and reading. He raised an eyebrow at her over his glasses.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked. She was still standing with her back pressed against the door.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I really didn't know what I was doing."

"I forgive you," he said.


	11. Schisms

"People think I don't know what happens in this house when I'm not here," Voldemort said.

It was Friday night, and all of his most loyal were gathered around him. Four were staring very pointedly at the table.

"But I do know. When will you learn that I know everything? My mind is even more vast than you can comprehend. I can be many places at once. Including, Lucius, in your upstairs dining room."

Lucius cleared his throat, but did not move. Voldemort continued.

"Let me tell those of you who were not so lucky to attend the show what happened last weekend in that room. It was revealed, by a spitting mad Lucius, that our own Severus had been supplying Felicity with birth control, in the form of a sedative which she kept hidden among her personal effects. Instead of calling me to settle such a dispute, as he should have, Lucius allowed Felicity to use her wiles to dissuade him from taking any action. She put on quite a little performance for the three of you, didn't she Draco?" Draco didn't budge. "So whose fault is this? Severus's, for supplying her with the potion? Lucius's, for not keeping a better eye on his young wife? Or Felicity's, for lying to her husband? Lucius, you determined who should bear the brunt of the punishment, didn't you?"

Lucius nodded, very slightly.

"Who was it, Lucius? Tell us."

"Felicity."

"Yes, so you took it upon yourself to put her through hell. Very good, Lucius. You've done half my job."

"My Lord, please."

"Oh no, Lucius. Let me help you. You did such a good job with her, but I think such a transgression such as this has earned our girl just a little more suffering. Don't you think, Severus?"

"I should be punished, My Lord," Severus said, finally tearing his eyes upwards. "It's my turn."

"I think it's everyone's turn, Severus. I think you will all feel punished enough after what you're about to see. You too, Draco. Why didn't you tell me what you had seen?"

Draco stuttered out some kind of response, and Felicity thought she heard Voldemort laugh. She was far away by then, dark tunnels surrounding her vision. She wasn't even aware that she was digging her fingernails into Lucius's leg under the table, or that her lips had parted slightly, revealing bared teeth.

"Stand up, Felicity." She didn't.

"I told you to stand up." Those who could still bear to look at him saw Voldemort draw his wand, and point it at her. Still, she didn't move.

"I know you're scared," he said, clicking his tongue. "Let me help you." Her chair flew out from under her, and her knees locked, forcing her to stand. In the same motion, her head snapped up, hair falling out of its bun into a tangled web. She felt all her joints lock, in the same way her knees had, immobilizing her completely. Then with the slightest twitch of his wand, he levitated her up above the table, skirts falling away from her body. Her head fell back, and she opened her mouth to scream.

She didn't have time before he uttered that one terrible word.

Minutes passed. Her cries quieted as her breath ran out, and still he went on. Eventually, he let her fall back to the table, and with the thud she made, Severus jumped up.

"Please, Master," he yelled, "punish me the same way. Or worse. I deserve worse. I disobeyed you, and I tricked Felicity. She has done nothing to deserve this."

Felicity hadn't moved, although he had given her control of her body back.

"Are you telling me I have made a mistake, Severus? What a bold thing to suggest."

"Not a mistake, My Lord. I apologize if it sounded that way."

"Then what?"

Sweat was beading on Severus's upper lip. He stole a glance at Felicity, and saw the tears spilling from the corners of her eyes into her hairline. Lucius still hadn't looked up at her, hands gripping the table before of him.

"I apologize, My Lord," Severus said again, and took his seat.

Draco was staring at his father in disbelief, mouth open. Once upon a time, he had considered his father a soldier, someone who would fight for his family, and for what was right. Now…

"Let us move to the next order of business," Voldemort said, and no one spoke about it again. Felicity remained where she was for the duration of the meeting. When it ended, he asked for the three men to stay behind.

"How does it feel," Voldemort asked, "to see her suffer for your sins?" And then he was gone. Lucius rose and moved to her, pushing her hair out of her face.

"You are a coward, Lucius Malfoy," Severus said. "She is a child, and you are a coward." Snape moved to pick Felicity up, but Lucius pushed him away.

"No. Do not insult me in my own home, and then try to take over my duties. Draco, what are you gaping at? Go to your room, this is none of your affair." Lucius lifted Felicity easily, and she stirred a little, turning her face towards his chest. "And you," he said, looking at Snape, "you might as well go with him, for how chummy you've become."

They left, slamming the door behind them. The sound echoed and echoed, and Felicity squeezed her eyes shut tight as it rang in her ears.

* * *

When he laid Felicity back in their bed, he took her hands and rubbed circles on her palms with his thumbs. She still had not spoken.

"Good girl," he said, kissing her forehead. "You were so brave."

Her eyes opened, and there was hatred etched in them.

"I'm going to get you dressed for bed," he said, already taking off her jewelry and placing it on the bedside table. "And then you can sleep as long as you'd like."

Soon she was tucked in. He had even done his best at braiding her hair. In another life, it would have been sweet. He went to the bathroom; she heard the shower run. Felicity took the time to flex her muscles. Pain rolled through her body with each movement, with each twitch of her finger or flex of her foot. She shifted her head to face the other way, and though she would die of the hurt.

When he came back and got into his side of the bed, she rolled to face him, eyes still glinting with some inner strength he had thought long extinguished.

"What do you tell her about all this?" she asked. "Is she proud of you?"

"Tell who?"

"Narcissa."

He took a deep breath, and reached over to blow out the candle by the bed. Settling in, he turned his back to her.

"Felicity, Narcissa is dead. I can't talk to her."

"You do talk to her. Every day when we're laying here and you're holding me, I know that you're praying she won't see us. And when you're in your study staring at the wall when I come and get you for dinner, I know you're trying to apologize to her. I'm not stupid. I know." She was crying a little. He heard the sheets rustle, and felt the weight on the bed shift. She was sitting up, legs swung off the edge.

"I'm not stupid," she said again.

He turned his body back to hers, and reached out to wrap his hands around her waist, pulling her back.

"You're not stupid," he said.


	12. The Great Plain

**This is probably just gratuitous, but I like it.**

* * *

Felicity woke up with a start.

There was magic running through her veins.

She was aching, body calling out for something it missed. Her mind felt clear, and empty, and needy. Felicity could feel the inside of her head, imagined as a stone walled chamber, finally being opened again. The cobwebby corners were gone, and the fog had gone with them. The papers and clothes and empty bottles that had cluttered the floor were gone too. The room echoed, and the sound was high pitched and pure. In the physical world, she felt light, as if her bones were hollow, or maybe her organs had been replaced with air. She reached out across the ocean of white and placed a hand on Lucius's chest. He stirred.

"Wake up," she said, pressing against him.

"What is it?"

"Wake up."

He opened a bleary eye, and when he focused on her face, ablaze with an unknown spirit, he opened the other.

"How do you feel?" he said, starting to get up in a hurry. He had assumed when he put her to bed that she would sleep through most of the day.

Felicity didn't speak, but rather moved to him, placing her lips at the base of his neck. Lucius's breath caught. They were glowing in the earliest dawn. It could have been that they were carved from marble, and left there for a thousand years to wait for this moment.

"I can't have what I want," Felicity said, "but at least I can have you."

God, how he hated her. His burden to bear in a world full of burdens, his worst enemy lain beside him in his own bed.

But her hand on his bare chest, her lips touching his most sensitive skin…

"I don't think this is a good idea, Felicity. Think of the night you've had. You may be hurt."

"You've never worried about hurting me before, Lucius," she whispered into his chest as she worked her way downwards. "Please don't start today."

She stopped just short of the line of his underwear, and returned to look him in the eyes. For once, he was speechless in her presence.

"I'm empty now," she heard herself say, overtaken by the sparks that were prickling at her fingertips, and the heat that was flowing, lava-like, through her veins. "I'm empty of fear, and sadness, and uncertainty. Those clouds that blew in front of my eyes have gone. If I were you, I would take advantage of the empty plain that is my mind, before I build a wall around it."

She moved one leg across both of his, and dipped her chest down to meet him, gently opening the front of her nightgown to expose palest skin. The kiss she gave him then was untouchably beautiful, and as she pulled away she sucked in air like it was her first breath. Felicity tossed her head back, and ground down onto him. Through layers of cloth, something stirred. Through layers of skin, something ignited. Through layers of sorrow, something changed.

Lucius breathed out her name, and his voice cracked sweetly in the middle. She left her hands on his torso, rocking back and forth still gently, still chastely.

"Please," he said, barely audible, and the corners of her mouth turned up. For once, she had him.

Dawn wasn't the right word to describe this time of day. Light was just staining the farthest edges of the horizon, waiting to turn their whole world pink. The air in their room was shimmering as their slow exploration continued; Felicity hadn't felt waves of magic this way since Ollivander had handed her that very first, perfect wand.

"You know my world is too small, don't you? It was only a matter of time before my mind bent the bars of its cage." This even as she finally pulled her nightgown over her head, and as he finally was able to put his hands on her bare skin. He reached up to cup her breasts, and thought he had never felt anything as luxurious as their softness. Even the slight pressure of his fingers felt like he was gouging holes into her flesh. She adored it.

"What do you want, Felicity?" he finally asked. "Tell me. Let me give you what you want."

She thought of all the things there were. All the places one could put their fingers, their mouth. Where he could put himself within her.

She decided. Now the corners of the room were starting to catch the light. Their pupils were shrinking as the sun peeked in, and suddenly the stakes felt high.

"I want you to kiss me," she said, rolling onto her back, "for a long time, like you kiss someone you might care about. And then I want you to drag your fingers down my sides, and pull my underwear off, and I want you to make me come. I want to scream out the end of this suffering."

He was already hovering over her, straining at his own underwear. Dutifully, he leaned down, and she raked her nails through his hair.

"It's never been like this," she said.

"No," he replied, "it hasn't."

"Are you scared?"

He kissed her.

"Are you scared?" she asked again when he pulled away, only for a second, to position himself more directly above her.

He kissed her again, longer this time.

"Are you scared?" she asked once more, gasping for air as he dragged his fingers down her sides, and pulled her underwear off.

He kissed her in the new place he had found.

Her mouth fell open. Bright morning light shone through the arch of her back, and it illuminated his flaxen head. As the sun crested the horizon and blinded her, she had no more questions.


	13. Her

When he opened his eyes again, Felicity was gone. It was unusual for her to wake first, much less leave the bed before him, but he didn't care. Wherever she was, he was sure, she was safe.

Narcissa used to wake up first.

It had been a long time since Lucius had thought of Narcissa. No, take that back. He thought of Narcissa all the time; her face was imprinted on the back of his eyelids. It had become a constant torment. Everything reminded him of her – the tea set, the coverlet on the bed, the stacks of magazines in the sitting room that he couldn't bear to throw away. Yes, every single day he thought of her, and every time he did he quickly stuffed the memory away and hoped it would never come back. Maybe, he thought, if he did this for long enough, one day there would be no more memories to suppress and he could stop suffering.

Today, he decided to think about her steadily, for a long time. Today he would neglect tasks that needed doing and he would neglect keeping an eye on Felicity and he would neglect furthering the cause that had brought him to this pitiable state. Today was for Narcissa, for the past, until he couldn't take it anymore.

* * *

Lucius though about the first time they had slept together, in the apartment he kept before his parents left him the Manor. She hadn't been next to him in the morning. He was afraid she had left, that he had made a mistake and ruined everything they had built for all those years at school. Instead, she came back a moment later with tea for both of them in hand, and they had spent the whole day together in bed.

* * *

Narcissa had never loved the idea of him joining the Death Eaters, but she had loved him, and her sister, and her cousin. She was like that, loving. Just standing next to her had always felt good, and warm. When he took the Dark Mark, she had held his right hand through the pain. Voldemort had turned to her when he was done with her husband, expecting her to take it next.

"No, thank you," she had said. "I only plan to support."

Her voice was polite, but firm, and Lucius had never before seen the Dark Lord accept someone's defiance.

* * *

Draco was their everything. Both of them had desperately wanted a child. The love they had for one another was almost too much; it had been making their chests tighten and making their knees weak. A child, they were sure, would relieve the pressure.

They were right, and wrong. Joy was not the word for what they felt when Draco was born; it wasn't big enough, or all-encompassing enough. Their hearts had swelled even larger, and then they were sure they would burst. But after a while, after a few sleepless nights had passed and after they got used to having a child, things evened out. Life, it seemed, could go on without too much trouble.

And life had gone on, for a long time. When Voldemort fell, Lucius remembered feeling relief, and he remembered seeing it etched on her face too.

"Maybe one day," he had said as they waited for Aurors to come tear their family apart, "he will come back."

"Maybe," she had said, clutching Draco to her chest, "but today is not that day, Lucius. Today is the day you will put on a straight face and lie through your teeth about where your allegiances lie. I want our family to come out of this in one piece, not with you in Azkaban and Draco and I on the streets. His return is a bridge to cross another day."

Lying in bed that morning, so many years later, Lucius could still feel the kiss they had shared when the Aurors came banging down their door.

* * *

While Narcissa was dying, Lucius never really told her how she came to have this mysterious illness. She suspected it was to punish him, but he wouldn't entertain her ideas, or discuss Voldemort and the war with her at the end.

"Is this because I never took the Mark?" she had once asked him.

"Let's not spend this time conjecturing," he said. "Let's just be together."

"Will he make Draco take it? What will happen to him if he doesn't?"

"I will take care of Draco, my love. He will be safe."

"Oh, I know. I know you've always done everything you can for him."

He just squeezed her hand, words escaping him.

* * *

This whole time, he had been strong. From the moment he found Narcissa sick in bed, he had rarely so much as flinched. Draco was devastated, and watching his son crumple to the floor as his mother's eyes closed was enough to break Lucius's heart. Everything else was just aftermath, just another brave face to put on. That day, Lucius had dropped down beside Draco, and held him.

"The worst is over now," he had said, unaware of what was to come. "She won't suffer any longer, and we will start to heal." There were so many things then that he never could have guessed would happen.

The worst, as it turned out, had been holding Felicity down the first time they had sex. Lucius hadn't had sex with anyone but Narcissa, ever, and he had never forced her, or hurt her. Cruelty was a part of his life, yes, but never before with his wife.

* * *

Lucius did spend much of the day in bed, playing the memories he had made with Narcissa over and over in his head. He thought about the big moments, yes, but the little ones too. These were things he had stored away, afraid to take them out lest he should weaken, and show those around him that yes, he too was suffering at his Master's hand. Remembering hurt, and felt like rubbing salt in a wound that couldn't possibly heal.

It wasn't until long after the sun had made its crest in the sky that he eased out of bed, and went over to the window. He looked down at the back porch, and saw Draco and Felicity leaning against the stone railing, looking across the gardens. Felicity looked different, even from the back. She was standing up straight, and her hair looked tame compared to its usual wild state. She must have taken care with it that morning; she must have been in a steadier state of mind than she had been in a long time. He thought that she and Draco looked well together there, and the thought crossed his mind that in another world and time, they would have made a handsome couple. He left the window.

* * *

When they heard the door open, Felicity and Draco turned. When they saw it was Lucius, they both turned back.

He approached them, and put his hand on Felicity's lower back. She shied away and stiffened. He cleared his throat.

"Draco," he said, "leave us please."

Draco turned to go, but Felicity grabbed his wrist.

"Stay," she said. "Lucius, I would prefer you didn't say anything to me that you don't want Draco to hear."

"Felicity, maybe I should go," Draco said.

"No," she said, looking steadily at Lucius, hand still on Draco. "Here is all that needs to be said: we are going to be a family now, a real one. The three of us live together in this house, and as far as I can see it there is no way to escape that fact. We are just going to have to stick together, and survive. Civilly. Later, Lucius, you and I may discuss what that means for our private life, but right now, we will sit here and we will have tea."

Indeed, a house elf was already setting up the tea service on the table behind them.

"It's been a long time since we've taken our tea out here," Lucius said, not making any moves to sit. Felicity had not stopped staring at him since he had come outside, and her frank gaze was unsettling him.

"Be that as it may, it's a beautiful day, and I don't care to go back indoors."

She had released Draco's wrist, and he was already sitting down.

"Father," he said as he put his napkin in his lap, "why are you making this harder than it needs to be?"

* * *

 **If you're reading this I would really appreciate some reviews! Any ideas for what should happen next?**


	14. An Offering

In the dark, he reached out and dragged a finger down her spine.

"I love you, Felicity," he said.

* * *

She was standing with Severus in the garden. It was a blustery, gray day, but neither of them cared. It was good to just feel the wind, and try to let it blow away their terrible luck.

"He said he loves me," Felicity said, looking away from Severus and hugging her arms around herself.

Severus's lips twisted into a strange little smile.

"And how does that make you feel?" he asked her.

"Sick to my stomach."

"Do you think he does?"

"Of course not. This is just another power play. He knows I'm not sick with obsession for him anymore, and he wants to get his control back. If he can't own me, he has nothing."

"Have you considered that he's telling the truth?"

"I considered it," she said, "for about 15 seconds, until my head stopped spinning and I remembered where I was."

* * *

"Lucius, what do you think you're doing to that girl? Telling her that you love her?"

"I don't remember inviting you back into my home, Severus."

They had come together in the entryway, Lucius apparently on his way out onto the porch, Severus on his way in.

"Felicity and Draco invited me; they've been pestering me with letters for weeks. As a matter of fact, I've been around a few times and you never seem to be here."

"Felicity isn't supposed to write letters."

"Oh, Draco does all the actual writing. They're very clever, those two."

"Yes, too clever. Very well, if the children want you here, you may stay."

"We weren't discussing whether or not I could stay."

"Weren't we?"

* * *

That night, Lucius invited Severus to stay for dinner, but only as a response to the fact that he was still there when the house-elves brought the food to the table. They all sat very uncomfortably - Lucius at the head of the table, Draco and Felicity on one side, Severus on the other – in complete silence. After the dinner plates had been cleared, as they waited for dessert, Lucius cleared his throat and placed his hands on the table.

"Felicity," he said.

"Lucius," she replied.

"There is something the Dark Lord and I have been talking about regarding you. Severus has been privy to some of the conversations, haven't you?"

"Lucius, I don't believe now is the time for this discussion," Severus said.

"I'll thank you not to undermine me in my own home, Severus. Now, Felicity, I doubt you're very happy here."

"What was your first clue?" she said. This was met with a very disapproving look.

"And since you've not produced any children," he continued, a flush rising up both her and Draco's necks, "he and I have thought that maybe it is time to return you to your…well, where would you return, Felicity?"

This was cruel. Felicity had often thought about where she could go if she somehow managed to escape the Manor. In the early days, Hogwarts was the obvious choice, but she knew that Hogwarts was now a very different place, and that she was far too old to go back there anyway. So where then? She had no home to speak of, besides where she sat. If Lucius didn't want her, her parents certainly wouldn't. Felicity couldn't ask so much of Roger; to take her back after she had been married to another man for years would be again, cruel. And from what she understood, all of her other friends were on the run. The world, based on what Draco told her, was only getting Darker.

"Hm," he said to her silence, "well, maybe that is something to be discussed another day. The Dark Lord would also request, obviously, that your memory of these years be completely wiped, and that you would take no material goods from the Manor. We can't have you selling secrets."

"But wouldn't Obliviating so much time from someone's memory be very risky?" she asked, finally managing to speak. "Don't people end up completely brain dead after something like that?"

"Oh yes," Lucius said, "there are certainly risks."

She looked down and concentrated on the dessert that had been set in front of her. A poached pear, swimming in slowly melting ice cream. Then she dared to glance up, and found Severus staring at her in a very unusual way. When their eyes met, he raised his eyebrows, and she could suddenly hear his voice deep inside her head.

 _The War may be over sooner than you think,_ it said. _Resist the offer._

And then Severus's eyes snapped away, and the connection was gone. If Lucius noticed anything in this exchange, he did not say so. Draco, however, was looking very quizzically at them both.

"And if I refuse, Lucius?" she asked, picking up her spoon.

"If you refuse," he said, "life shall go on."


	15. Lessons

**A short update to keep things moving. I may have just the smallest amount of writer's block at the moment.**

* * *

Severus had made a very good observation during his last visit; Lucius was rarely at home anymore. Draco and Felicity suspected that he was trying his best to be struck down in all the fighting. They took the time unsupervised to do a lot of things they weren't supposed to, primarily Draco letting Felicity use his wand as he tried his best to teach her what she had missed over her last year and a half of school. This wasn't going particularly well, and usually ended with Draco fixing something Felicity had broken.

"If I had my own wand…" she always tried to explain.

"I know," he always said.

* * *

The two of them were sitting in the grass, cross-legged and facing each other, after another failed training session. This time a whole row of shrubbery had toppled over as she sent an errant hex its way; now it was looking a little bit crooked despite Draco's best attempts at setting it right.

"I don't _think_ Father will notice," he had said, setting his head at a 30 degree angle.

Now they were simply picking at the grass, talking about growing up.

"It's just that I still feel 16, Draco. I feel like I need to study for my N.E.W.T.'s," Felicity said. "I don't want to get too much older, not here, not without…" She paused, grasping for a way to continue

"I think _escaping_ may be the word you're looking for."

"A word you don't need to know."

"I may be more familiar with it than you think."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"You look like Father when you do that."

"Do not say that."

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well _that_ certainly looks like him," she laughed. Felicity fell backwards onto the spring grass, staring at the clouds. She closed her eyes for a while, and when she opened them, everything was blue.

* * *

Lucius came back much past dinner that night, not expecting to find her awake. But there she was, lamp still burning, book open. He ignored her, and sunk into the armchair.

"I'm not going to let you perform a twisted memory experiment on me, Lucius."

"No one thought you would," he said, sighing heavily and keeping his back to her. "It was just sort of an idea to keep you…how shall we say? Unsettled. Although the Dark Lord did like the thought of sending your very confused self back to the Order as a warning. But please don't make me talk about it now, I'm just trying to get to bed."

"First of all, you are not getting into this bed until you very thoroughly wash all that dust off. Second of all, I thought I had made it clear that I'm not a pawn anymore, but you seem to disagree. And I've had a lot of time to think about it while you've been out doing whatever you do. Sleeping around in Diagon Alley, or killing Muggle-borns, or shining the Dark Lord's shoes. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you know that I've changed, and that I'm going to fight back if you push."

He rested his elbows on his knees and stared out the window for a long time. She kept on reading.

"I don't sleep around," he said finally, softly. "You should know that if anything, I am very loyal."

"What about when the Dark Lord fell, and you lied -" But he cut her off.

"I lied only to save my family, and this house, and my dignity. Didn't I serve him better out here than I would have in Azkaban, anyway? Didn't I do my best?" His voice was rising.

"That," she said, looking somewhat stricken, "I cannot speak to."

Lucius was staring at her now, having jumped to his feet in a moment of anger. Felicity was staring back, eyes large behind reading glasses.

"I'm sorry to have upset you," she said. He deflated a little, and she began to notice that he looked incredibly tired.

"You didn't…it wasn't your fault. I'm not feeling myself."

"Oh." She paused, thinking about this. What did Lucius usually feel like? Felicity had started to take for granted that he probably felt nothing at all. "How do you feel?"

"I'm feeling," he said slowly, "as if I may be in over my head."


	16. Hold On

**Writer's block neatly taken care of after reading laurielove's _The Sense of Taste_ in one very long sitting. Would recommend, but proceed with caution: there's a lot more heartbreak involved than I was counting on. Anyway, it did inspire me to write something a little bit corny, a little bit romantic. Just a little.**

* * *

Felicity was dreaming. But her dream was a lot like her life. She was there, in her bed, although without Lucius beside her. She was wearing her fanciest nightgown, the one she could only wear on the warmest days, and was lying on top of the covers.

Someone knocked. She turned her head, and called for them to enter.

It was Severus. He came in, and shut the door very carefully. In the dream, the bed was low to the ground, and he knelt down next to her.

"What do you want, Felicity?" he asked.

She looked at him. A friend, in a world without love.

"I want someone to hold me, nothing more," she said.

Severus stood, and slipped his robes off, and then unbuttoned the coat he always wore underneath. He removed his shoes, and folded his discarded clothes nearly on top of them. Then, after loosening his collar and rolling up his sleeves, he got into bed, and held her.

"What if Lucius comes?" Felicity whispered, trying not to relax in his arms.

"Lucius doesn't care. You know that."

* * *

In the morning, Lucius was reading the paper in bed. On the front, there was a line of photographs, each of a different Muggle-born wizard who was on the run. When he noticed she was awake, he snapped it shut and dropped it off his side of the bed.

"So I'm not even allowed to read the paper now?" she asked, rubbing her eyes and sitting up.

"I don't want to upset you. You were tossing and turning all night as it was." He placed his hand on her shoulder, and for a moment, she thought he was going to offer to hold her the way she had dreamt.

"I think we should probably get up," he said. "Bellatrix wants to come over here for lunch before our meeting with the Dark Lord tonight." She noted that he didn't sound very excited about this prospect.

"Why?"

"To torture me, I suppose. Or maybe to try and steal some more of her sister's jewelry." He got out of bed and moved to the closet. "She seems to think my existence itself is hilarious."

* * *

At lunch, Felicity was seated next to Severus, across from Rodolphus. She hoped that Severus wouldn't notice she was acting strangely; she still had that feeling of discontent you have after dreaming about someone. Rodolphus kept jeering at her, staring at her chest. She was used to this now, as most of the Death Eater men seemed to think she was just of a piece of meat, brought in for their entertainment.

What Lucius had said about Bellatrix held true for Felicity as well; she was constantly being mocked by the other woman, who refused to let her forget that she was a powerless little thing. Bellatrix couldn't have noticed that Rodolphus was staring at Felicity, because she too was trying to frighten her with long looks. At one point, Lucius got up and left the table for a few minutes, and Bellatrix leaned in, speaking to Draco and Felicity.

"I see you two in the garden, you know, being bad. You're endangering us all, Draco, giving her that wand. You never know when she might turn on you." Then she looked straight at Felicity. "Not that she could do much damage."

They heard Lucius's footsteps coming back, and Bellatrix straightened.

"What are you all whispering about?" he asked, setting his napkin back in his lap.

"Just about what great friends Draco and Felicity have become. Maybe even too great."

Lucius dismissed this with a wave of his hand.

"They've always been that way, Bella," he said, "ever since they were very little. It used to be quite a trick to keep them out of trouble."

"Used to be?" Bella asked, clutching her wine glass.

"They're adults now, Bellatrix, unlike some people at this table." He was looking pointedly at Rodolphus, whose gaze had barely shifted. "I don't care to discuss my family any more in this setting."

"My family too, Lucius. Did you forget so quickly?"

At that Lucius slammed his hand on the table, and everyone jumped. Rodolphus's eyes finally broke away from Felicity, even. Lucius stood, snatching up his cane and drawing his shoulders back.

"How dare you, Bellatrix? How dare you come into my home and accuse me of forgetting her? Where were you when she was dying? All you cared was that it was the Dark Lord's wish; you never even visited her at the last, even when I told you she had asked for you." His right hand crossed his body, touching the snake head of his cane. Everyone stiffened, and Felicity could see that everyone around her was thinking very carefully of where their own wand was. But Lucius relaxed, ever so slightly, and lowered his voice. "Draco, Felicity, get up. We are not going to sit here any longer."

Draco and Felicity did get up, looking at each other in shock. As the three of them made their way from the room, Severus spoke.

"Shall I see the Lestranges out, Lucius?" he asked.

"Please."

* * *

That night, she had the same dream, except when the knock at the door came, it was Draco who entered and kneeled at her side.

"What do you want, Felicity?" he asked, just as Snape had done.

"I think I want you to kiss me," she said, not believing herself. He leaned in, and kissed her tenderly. Then he pulled back.

"Enough?" he asked.

"Enough."

* * *

In the morning, Lucius was still asleep when she woke, stomach turning over as she remembered her dream. For some reason, she was compelled to slip her hand into Lucius's, intertwining their fingers. He didn't wake at her touch, and she just laid there, staring up.

She fell asleep that way, clutching at him. When she woke, he was gone, but her hand was still lying just the same way.

* * *

Lucius came into the sitting room around tea time, and placed a hand on her shoulder. She started a little, and missed a stitch in her knitting.

"Let's go down in the garden for a while," he said, and offered his hand.

A lot of unusual things happened to Felicity in her life at the Manor, but this was unprecedented. It reminded her a little of what it was like when she and Roger had first started dating, when he would nervously ask if she wanted to walk to Hogsmeade with him.

She got up, and took his hand.

"You look nice," she said as he held open the porch door.

"So surprised?"

"No, it's just that usually when you come home you look like you've been…" What was the word she was searching for? Fighting, she guessed, but she didn't care to bring that up. "You look tired," she finished.

"I was in Diagon Alley today, at the bank. Not too tiring."

"No."

They walked down the stone steps to the grass, and began to head deep into the garden.

"What on earth is wrong with all that shrubbery?" Lucius said, looking at the row Felicity had toppled just a few days earlier.

"Oh…" she tried to say noncommittally, "is something the matter with it? I think it looks fine."

"Felicity, it's growing completely sideways, just that row."

"It must be the wind," she suggested, and luckily he seemed to agree. He took out his wand, and easily set it right.

"Strange things are happening all over, I suppose," he muttered, and they kept walking.

Eventually, he pulled her into a circle of holly trees that had only enough space between their branches for them to slip in one at a time. In the middle, there was a stone bench, and they sat.

"I've brought you something," he said, and for the first time ever, she thought he was being a little awkward. He reached into his coat, and pulled out what could only be a jewelry box. She was beginning to feel a little lightheaded. He snapped the box open, and surely enough there was a blue stone hanging on a gold chain inside, waiting for her.

"Blue," he said, "for Ravenclaw, and your eyes."

Still she hadn't spoken, and she let him clasp it around her neck.

"Goblin made, of course," he said, trying to fill the space where she should have said thank you. Felicity reached up and touched it. Already, the metal was warming on her skin.

"Of course," she murmured. She was thinking now of the place she was sure he had bought it, a tiny jewelry store in Diagon Alley that catered to the very rich. She was thinking of how she and her father used to always meet Lucius and Draco there, the weekend before Mother's Day, and how she and Draco each would select something for their mothers, never looking at the price tag.

"Felicity," she heard him say, and she came back to the present. "Felicity, can we talk about our private life? You said we would, the day after you were…after he…" He was sounding uncharacteristically nervous again.

"After I was tortured," she filled in.

"Yes, then. And we had…that morning, it was amazing. But since then, we never talked. I know you're scared, but I'd like to think we can fix this."

"Fix what, exactly?"

"Fix how we work together."

Felicity had put both her hands on the bench now, bracing herself so that she could tip her head back and look at the sky. _Somewhere_ , she thought, _out there, is the whole world._

"I'll want you to apologize," she began, "for bringing me here, and for making it all so hard."

"But how can I?" he asked, taking her hand.

"I don't know," she said, still staring up.

* * *

That night the dream came again, and when she looked to see who it was at the door, Roger was there. He came to kneel beside her, and she touched his cheek.

"What do you want, Felicity?"

"You, all of you, now."

Roger looked at the empty place in bed beside her.

"But someone else already has all of _you_ ," he replied, very sadly. He stood up, and she tried to rise with him but found she could not. Roger's back turned to her, and he opened the door, leaving her there. He left the door open when he was gone, and all she could see was a pitch black hallway.


	17. Lucius and Felicity

"You've done a lot of terrible things to me, Lucius," Felicity said. They were sitting on the couch in the sitting room, his body angled towards her. She was staring straight out the window, but her hands were clasped with his in her lap. "But none of that can possibly matter now, can it?"

"No, it doesn't matter," he breathed, leaning in to place his lips on her neck. Outside, the sun was setting.

She inclined her head away from his, allowing him better access to her neck.

"To bed," he whispered.

"Why are you doing this?" she wondered aloud as he lifted her up with him. Her eyes were half closed; admittedly, his attention felt good.

"Why should we suffer any longer?"

* * *

He took her to their room. He kissed her gently as he undid, by hand, the many buttons down the front of her dress. He slipped it off her shoulders, and ran his hands down her arms along with it.

"I'm cold," she said at that point, and suddenly the room was five degrees warmer. He would have given her anything, she realized, closing her eyes. When she opened them, he was naked too, and he wrapped his arms around her.

"Warm enough?"

She could only nod a response.

"Sit in the armchair," he said, backing away. She did as she was told, and he just stood there, looking at her.

"Beautiful," he sighed, and then knelt before her. "Are you ok?" he asked, as he started to lift her legs over his shoulders. She had the most dazed look on her face.

"I never thought it would be like this," she said. "What changed? Tell me."

"After," he said, leaning in.

For a moment, this was going to appease her. For a moment, she was giving in. But then she found the strength to reach down, put her hands on his head, and push away. She closed her legs. She sat up straight.

"Tell me," she demanded, "or all of this can go away."

Lucius sighed, and rocked back onto his heels, standing up. He went to the closet, and got them each a dressing gown, then sat back in front of her on the ottoman.

"You're not stupid, or blind," he began. "You have known since the beginning that my love for Narcissa has made it nearly impossible for me to treat you with any kind of respect. If she could see all this…" He trailed off for a moment, and then shook his head back to reality. "I'm sure that you two may have figured this out, but a long time ago we had really hoped that you and Draco would be together when you grew up. Things changed when you got to school, but it was still a very dear desire of hers. If she had known that she died for us to…" He gestured at the two of them, sitting there half naked, and could not finish what he was going to say.

Felicity, for once, felt quite sorry for him, and leaned forward to put a hand on his knee.

"She doesn't know," she said, trying to calm him.

He looked up at her, and she saw there were unprecedented tears in his eyes.

"But then I thought," he said, voice shaking, "that she would want you to be happy. And that maybe I could be happy too, if we tried to honestly care for one another. Because now, we are all we have. Our only chance to be happy lies in this room, with one another."

Felicity reached out, and cupped his cheek in her hand, wiping away a tear with her thumb. She leaned in. She kissed him.

She felt, suddenly, complete.

It was then that an owl tapped at the window.

* * *

It took a moment for Lucius to react. He stood up slowly, trying to dry his eyes with dignity. He fetched the parchment the owl was carrying, patted it on the head, and shut the window. He stood there, the last rays of sun illuminating him, reading the short note over and over. Finally, he raised his head to look at Felicity, who had been watching him the whole time.

"Is this true?" he asked her.

"What?"

"It's from Bellatrix. She says you and Draco have been practicing magic, that you have used his wand."

She looked for signs of anger on his face, but there were none. No signs that he would hit her, or yell. So she answered.

"It's true."

Slowly, he folded the letter, and put it in the pocket of his dressing gown. He sat back down in front of her.

"I don't care," he admitted after thinking a moment. "Not at all. But Bellatrix does, and so will the Dark Lord. Something will have to be done to keep her quiet."

"Impossible," Felicity murmured, smiling slightly.

"We'll find a way," he said as he got up again, looking resigned to some unknown fate.

"Where are you going?"

"To my study, to respond."

"Oh." He heard disappointment.

"Do you want to come?" he asked.

"Or you could stay." Felicity was blushing, looking down at her hands.

"It has to be done now, Felicity, before she does something rash. This could be very bad for Draco. For any of us, really."

Felicity thought for a moment.

"You could kill Bellatrix," she said eagerly.

He laughed at that, and she thought he looked very nice when a real smile graced his face.

"A dream, my dear, I have lived out in my head many times over." He kissed her on the forehead, and left the room.

She went to sleep alone, wondering when he would come back.

* * *

Lucius shook her awake what felt like only a few moments after she had closed her eyes.

"Lucius," she said at first, not seeing the panic in his eyes. "What are you doing? Come to bed, come be with me, I'm ready." In a sleepy haze, she started to unbutton her nightgown. His hand reached out to hers, and stopped her from going farther.

"No, we have to go. You have to get up." She was beginning to realize that all the lights were on, that he was fully dressed in his Death Eater's robes…

"Look," he said, rolling up his left sleeve and showing her his arm. She blinked and rubbed her eyes. The Mark there was shimmering as if alive; it looked as if might burst off of his skin at any moment.

"Potter must have come back," Lucius said. "This is the end."


	18. Cosmic Love

**So this whole story came to be after I listened to Florence + the Machine's album** ** _Lungs_** **about 100 times when I was in high school, and obviously it was specifically based on the song Cosmic Love. This chapter is sort of the realization of that, although the theme really plays out throughout the story.**

 **Also, longest chapter yet, eek! Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

There was a set of Death Eater's robes in her closet, fitted perfectly for her but never worn, and Lucius grabbed them and thrust them into her arms. Still groggy, she slid them over her head as he frantically did up the many intricate fasteners that lined the back.

"Lucius?"

"Yes?" he said, still fussing with buttons.

"Why do I have to go?"

"Because I'm not going to leave you here alone to wait." His voice sounded choked.

Satisfied with the robes, he turned her to face him, clasping his hands on her shoulders and squeezing, hard.

"Just try to stay by my side, and I will protect you. Now, there is no more time to lose."

He grabbed her hand and led her downstairs, out the front door, across the gravel drive. By the time they got to the gates, she was dizzy with euphoria. Felicity hadn't been this close to leaving since the day she had held out her hand to her friends as they slipped away.

Lucius hesitated at the gate, his hand raised to release its seal.

"Felicity," he began, pushing his shoulders back. He looked down at her for a moment, and then swallowed his next words.

Before she could begin to ask what he meant to say, he opened the gate, and pulled her through to the other side. Out there, without all the wards, the world seemed harsher; was the wind louder? The air colder? Something felt different on her skin.

She felt him grip her hand even tighter, and the world blurred around them as they Disapparated.

* * *

They landed in the moss of a forest floor. Through the trees, the Shrieking Shack was visible in the light of the moon. For a moment, they just rolled onto their backs, still holding hands. It was quiet there, with the leaves rustling overhead. Then, around them in the shadows, little movements became apparent. Lucius stood and lent his hand to her.

"Is he here?" he asked someone over Felicity's shoulder. She turned and saw Bellatrix standing there, Rudolphus a little ways behind her. There was mania in her eyes.

Coming out from all the trees around them were the rest of the Death Eaters, and more kept appearing with every passing second. Soon Felicity was surrounded with more people than she had been since leaving Hogwarts, most of them unrecognizable to her. The fight had become much bigger than she ever realized.

To her surprise, Lucius had still not let go of her hand. He was still talking to Bellatrix, but Felicity wasn't paying attention to what they were saying. She couldn't stop swiveling her head around as all kinds of people and beasts pressed closer and closer to the inner circle of most faithful Death Eaters. Then Bellatrix's tone changed.

"Scared are we?" she said very pointedly to Felicity, whose head snapped to stare Bellatrix straight in the eyes. "Need to keep a grip on someone bigger?"

"I'm not scared," Felicity replied, not sounding very convincing. Of course she was scared. She was about to go back to Hogwarts, to her friends, as part of the army that was conquering them.

Bellatrix opened her mouth to respond, wicked smile crossing her lips, but a dark fog filled the forest and the air around them as she did. Everyone grew very quiet, and Lucius squeezed her hand. By the time the tension eased, Voldemort was among them, walking through the crowd and examining his ranks. He stopped by Lucius and Felicity, and they both bowed their heads.

"I don't remember asking you to bring her, Lucius," Voldemort said. "She may be more of a hindrance than a help."

"I couldn't have imagined not bringing her, My Lord. She is one of us, is she not?"

"So she is," he replied, staring into Felicity's eyes as she dared to look up at him. "She will not do anything ill-advised, I take it?" This was clearly a question addressed to her.

"I can only support, My Lord."

He nodded, and began to move on, but then stopped and turned back to the couple.

"Actually," he said, "I think Felicity will stay here with me when the battle begins. A little company might be nice, and she will be safe."

Neither Felicity nor Lucius responded.

* * *

Soon after this, Voldemort began to order people into battle. Snatchers first, then giants, and then, after nearly all the others had gone, his most faithful. Those few who had taken the Mark, those who had served him from the beginning, and lost so much in his service.

"Go now," he finally said, "and show the light to those who resist us."

Death Eaters began to evaporate in wisps of black smoke, and as they did, Lucius embraced Felicity.

"I'll see you soon," she said weakly as he pulled away. When he was gone, she felt very alone.

"Come then, Felicity," Voldemort said, when it was just her and Nagini left. "Let us see what we find inside."

She followed behind him, the great snake next to her. It wasn't too far of a walk out of the wood to the Shrieking Shack, which of course Voldemort easily unlocked. In a moment of gentlemanliness, he stood aside to let her enter first, Nagini slithering ahead as well. Inside, it was dry, and cold, despite the balmy spring air. All around her were broken things: shredded books, smashed mirrors, couches and chairs with their stuffing coming out. As the door shut behind them, she chanced sitting down on a chaise lounge in the far corner. A cloud of dust billowed up from the cushion.

"I'm sorry for what an ordeal this has all been for you, Felicity. Really, I am." She tried her best to look like she believed him. "But when this is all said and done, some amount of freedom will be returned to you. Maybe I'll even allow for you to return to Hogwarts; it's really going to be quite a different place when we've finished with making our changes. You can be queen of all you see, perfect and pure. Or perhaps you'd simply like to return home, and finally begin a family?"

The thought of that really made Felicity feel very lightheaded, and she had the fleeting thought that with just the two of them, alone, she could maybe try and strangle him. Seconds later, she came to her senses.

"Whatever you wish, My Lord."

* * *

Over the course of the next hour or so, they didn't speak much. Felicity just sat, terrified, in her place, and Voldemort mostly looked out the window that faced the castle. Although it wasn't visible from where they were, the glow of flames was only increasing on the horizon. Nagini floated above them, apparently very comfortable in the bubble he had conjured for her protection. Occasionally, Voldemort would wonder aloud how the battle was turning, and she would mumble some reassurance.

"Severus will be joining us soon," he said, not turning to her. He said it as if Severus was coming over for a cup of tea and a chat.

Sure enough, Severus appeared not more than 5 minutes later, materializing a foot away from where Felicity was sitting. He turned to her first, and locked eyes.

 _You're being very brave_ , she heard his voice say in her head.

 _So are you_ , she tried to think back, sure now that she understood his allegiances.

He turned away quickly, and greeted Voldemort, head bowed.

Then Felicity watched as the horrible conversation unfolded before her, and as she began to understand what was about to happen, her vision grew blurry. Panic rose up into her throat, until she thought she might die herself from lack of air. When Voldemort began to move Nagini's bubble through the air, Felicity rose, unthinking, and threw herself towards Severus. She was blasted back immediately, landing hard in the corner. She watched from the floor as the bubble covered his head, and she started screaming, unable to tear her eyes away. Voldemort simply watched, and once he thought the damage was enough, he went to her.

"Stop screaming," he said, "and come with me."

"Let me stay," she begged, unable to take her eyes away from Severus, who was beginning to still. Voldemort was offering her his hand, and she clutched at her chest. "Just let me comfort him, please."

"Get up," he said again, pointing the Elder Wand at her, "or you will suffer the same fate."

Although dying sounded like the best offer going, something very deep inside Felicity forced her to her feet. She reached out, and took his hand. They were gone in a suffocating vortex.

* * *

In the Forbidden Forest, Lucius found Felicity right away. She was in shock at what she had seen, and just stood there as he held her close. She didn't see the scratches on his face, or the look in his eyes.

"Severus is dead," she said into his chest.

"What?" Lucius asked, leaning down to hear her better.

"Severus is dead," she said into his ear, crying. "And your _master_ did it."

Lucius had never heard her say anything with so much contempt.

* * *

She watched in frozen horror as Harry died in front of her. At that point, she felt entirely sure that nothing could be more welcoming than death. Lucius had been holding her from behind to stop her from lunging forward, but he moved away then, going to the boy. He seemed to examine him thoroughly, placing his hands on his neck and bending low. Felicity's breath was bated, although she couldn't guess how this could come out as positive.

"He is dead," Lucius said as he rose up, and fireworks instantly lit his face.

* * *

When Lucius returned to Felicity's side, as Voldemort was organizing them into a procession, he slid something into her hand. Instantly, warmth spread over her body, and she had the feeling that maybe, just maybe, things could be ok.

Her wand, held as naturally as if she had never put it down.

"Just defend yourself," he whispered almost inaudibly. "I expect nothing more."

* * *

Yes, when Harry rose from the dead, she was glad she had gone on living. She was glad to be standing in the chaos that was a world whose hope had been restored, glad that the fighting continued.

That was, until she saw Lucius fall. Then all the gladness was gone. She lost sight of the spells flying around her as a great mass of people moved indoors, and focused only on him.

It happened when she was at a distance from him, and she felt she had turned only two seconds too late. Two seconds earlier, maybe she could have stopped the spell from turning his way. Two seconds earlier, she never would have had to watch him crumple. She regretted the moment, lost in excitement, when she had released Lucius's hand.

Felicity ran to him, uncaring now if she was struck down in her hurry. She knelt next to him, and managed to gather his head onto her lap. Her hair drew a curtain around them, and somehow it was quiet enough to hear his fading voice. Around them, people fought on, but their numbers were dwindling. If she had been listening, she might have heard the cries of other mourners, or of those who were injured and waiting for help.

"I made a lot of mistakes, Felicity," he said, eyes only half open.

"I think you're going to get to make a lot more," she started, holding his head between her hands. She was lying, though. He was obviously on his last breaths.

"No," he said. "No, I'm not. I can only apologize. Do you understand why I did it all?"

"I can only forgive you."

"Do you love me?"

"In a way. Do you love me?"

"How can I not?" Somehow, he smiled as he said this.

"So you knew about Harry," she said. It was not a question.

"Yes. That's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"Yes, of course."

She kissed him on the cheek; his skin felt cold. His eyes had closed completely, and she felt him relax against her.

"I'll miss you, despite it all," she said.

"Maybe I'll see you someday."

"Maybe."


	19. The Widow and The Orphan

She sat there for a long time, holding his body. No one came to her, and slowly the air grew still. The sun rose, and there was no more fighting where she was. Soon after that, she heard a great shout rise over the castle, and she knew what had happened. It was all over. She was free.

* * *

Soon, Professor McGonagall knelt down beside her, touching her shoulder. When Felicity looked up, Draco was there too, standing behind McGonagall at a small distance. He looked down at his father with stoicism; Felicity understood the battle he was fighting inside.

"My dear, won't you come inside with us? His body will be treated with all the respect it is owed." Felicity looked towards the front door of the castle and saw a few old classmates waiting, wands ready, to move Lucius. She nodded, choking on her words. Draco moved to her other side, and he and McGonagall lifted her up. It was strange to stand there, at Hogwarts, with her wand in her pocket and her friends around her.

"It's very nice to see you, Felicity," Professor McGonagall whispered in her ear, squeezing her arm.

"Yes," she said vaguely. She looked at Draco. "Severus is dead," she told him as they moved to what was left of the doorway.

"I know. So is Bellatrix. So are a lot of people we once knew."

"But Severus is dead. Severus."

"It'll be ok. Let's just go sit down."

"It can't be ok."

* * *

Professor McGonagall insisted on taking Felicity straight to the hospital wing, rather than to the raucous Great Hall, where she would be expected to greet people and receive half-hearted condolences. Felicity protested this feebly, but truly was glad to not have to face them, not yet. So now she was tucked into bed, Draco in a chair beside her. Around them, every bed was taken, and a low hum of voices filled the air.

McGonagall left them, apparently at a loss for words other than telling Felicity that Professor Flitwick would soon come to see her. As she went, she drew the curtains around the bed.

"Why on Earth does he want to see me?" Felicity asked after she had gone.

"He's your Head of House," Draco shrugged.

Felicity was alarmed to remember that this was true. It had been eons since she had thought of something as simple as Hogwarts Houses.

"But I'm hardly a student here," she said.

"Not by any choice of your own. These people have been worried about you, Felicity. Maybe they knew where you were, but other than that…" He trailed off, and for a while they both just sat there, staring.

"Draco," Felicity began, "you father…"

"Don't. Not now."

"All I want to say is that he loved you, even if sometimes he was cold. It was obvious that you were really important to him. He was always protecting you, always." Draco just sort of grunted and kept staring at his hands. Luckily this conversation was interrupted by Professor Flitwick drawing the curtains aside and coming to Felicity's bedside. He was beaming at her, and Draco got up, muttereing about going to get something to eat. Flitwick bounced into his empty chair, but Felicity called out to him.

"Please stay, Draco. If that's alright, Professor?"

"More than alright," he said, conjuring up another chair. "It is so wonderful to see you here with us again, Ms. Grey," he began, and she tried to smile at him in what she hoped looked like a normal way. She was suddenly very aware of the Death Eater's robes she was still wearing. "I hope you're feeling alright," he went on. "No lingering curses or injuries? Were you ever," he coughed and lowered his voice, "ever under the influence of the Imperius Curse?"

"It wasn't like that, Professor. I'm fine, physically."

"And Ms. Lovegood once said something to me about a child…" He trailed off and raised his eyebrows, clearly embarrassed and hoping she would finish the sentence.

"No, Professor, that didn't…work out."

"Terrible, terrible," he muttered, and they all sat there in uncomfortable silence for a moment. Draco shifted in his chair, rubbing his wand back and forth in his palms.

"Do you have a place to go, now that all this has happened? Arrangements could be made." She supposed that "all this" was meant to be Lucius's death.

"Well, I'm not…" But Draco interrupted her.

"She'll be staying with me," he said, very confidently. "We're family and we're not intending on splitting up." At this, Felicity's eyes welled up with tears.

"Are you sure that she…" Professor Flitwick began, looking uneasily at Draco, who interrupted yet again.

"Wants to stick around with a known Death Eater? Yes, I'm sure."

Flitwick looked to Felicity for confirmation, and she nodded.

"But you'll be coming back to school, won't you?" he pleaded.

"Back?" she replied, dumbstruck.

"Of course! You are not the only one who missed crucial years of school. Think of all those who were injured, who were withdrawn, who were on the run. The population of Hogwarts will be larger than ever come September."

Felicity had never thought of this before. She had supposed, even if she ever escaped the Manor, that she would not finish her education, mostly because she couldn't imagine going back to school at the age of nearly 20. But yes, now of course she was sure that she wanted to go back.

"Yes, I'll be back," she said in a haze.

"Wonderful!" Flitwick said, clapping his hands together and sliding out of his chair. "Now you must understand, Ms. Grey, that there are many things to attend to and that I must go. But you should never be afraid to come to me if you want to talk."

She nodded, although she could barely see him over the end of her bed. Hand on the curtain, he turned back to her.

"Felicity," Flitwick said, "there is extraordinary magic within you. Do not be afraid of it, even now."

And he was gone, leaving her blinking tears out of her eyes.

* * *

"Stick together, huh?" she said to Draco once they could both look up again.

"Only if you want to." He was blushing a little. "But you're like my sister, and everything that's mine is just as much yours now. The house and the money and everything, I mean. It'll only be for a little while, anyway, because you'll be back here so soon."

"That sounds as good as anything" she said, smiling at him. "But I don't really want to go back to the Manor, ever. There's nothing there I could possibly want."

Draco was expecting her to say this, and had an answer ready.

"You know we have a beach house. It's been a long time since you've been there, but it's the same as ever, really. Is that ok?"

"Yes."

"Should we go now?" He looked a little crazed, and she knew he was uncomfortable staying and accepting the hospitality of those he had only just been fighting against. She was too.

"Let's."

She stood up and stretched, making sure that her wand was still in her pocket. He offered his arm, and she took it.

"What do you think life will be like now?" Felicity asked as they walked through the rubble, nodding at people they had once known but never stopping to talk.

"I don't know," he said, "but it can't be any worse than it was."


	20. Luna

**Ahhhh getting to the end of this story is so crazy for me. I can't emphasize enough how close to my heart it's always been. I guess I'll probably keep writing little pieces of it over and over again anyway, just for myself.**

 **One or two more chapters left after this, I think.**

* * *

"You were all so brave. You fought, you escaped, even when you were wandless. I never tried, not really. I gave up neatly and handed my whole being over."

"No, it was just you there Felicity. I don't think you could have made it out of that prison without dying, not without help."

" _You_ escaped," Felicity pressed, "and you were truly imprisoned."

"Harry helped us," Luna said simply, "and he did his best to help you, but we were no match. Four children and an elf, who were we compared to a man who wanted you for his own?"

* * *

Felicity and Draco had settled in nicely to the beach house. It was large and rambling, different from the Manor in almost every way, including décor. The furniture there was mismatched and occasionally crooked, and odd magical knick-knacks littered every shelf.

"I find it so hard to believe that any Malfoy ever occupied this place," Felicity had said the first time they walked through it together.

"I think it's where they all came to put the things they couldn't admit they liked, because I know for a fact that the desk in the study is full of Father's entire Gobstones collection," Draco replied.

"God, a game of Gobstones might be nice, wouldn't it? We could even laugh."

"Don't get ahead of yourself; let's change first."

"Can we burn these?" Felicity gestured at the Death Eater's robes she wore.

"Probably for the best."

* * *

They spent a pleasant summer there, sleeping late and eating badly, children without supervision. Of course, beneath it all, there was a lingering sadness that neither could shake, no matter how many times the subject was broached, no matter how many times they stayed up all night talking about everything they had lived through. For some reason, Felicity could not find it within herself to remove her wedding ring, and Draco never cared to roll down his sleeve over the fast fading Dark Mark. Their front door had the habit of slamming loudly in the sea breeze when left ajar, and every time it did Felicity was reduced to sobs, and Draco never quite knew what to do.

Sometimes they would walk through the nearby village, playing a young couple. The Muggles found them to be nice enough, and very generous with tips, but learned early on that there was no use in inviting them around for tea.

Few visitors came to the beach house; Felicity had always known in the pit of her stomach that it would be this way. Who would come around to see the freak show that was their lives?

Luna Lovegood, primarily.

* * *

Luna and Felicity had always been close, since the day Luna had arrived at Hogwarts, exceptionally strange right off the bat, and Felicity had defended her against bullies on the train.

"I feel very sure," Felicity had said then, sweet face still round with baby fat, "that you will be in Ravenclaw." And then she had sat with Luna for the rest of the ride, kindly reading the Quibbler.

Over the years, Felicity had learned that Luna was the best person to confide in, simply because you could not say anything to her that she would view as strange.

* * *

Three days after Felicity and Draco had moved in to their new home, Luna arrived on their beach very early in the morning. She was holding a paper bag full of hissing plants, and she was wearing a long dress patterned all over with cabbage roses.

"They're really kind of cuddly," she had yelled over the sound of the surf to a bemused Draco, who tentatively accepted the bag, holding it far away from his face.

"Felicity is in the kitchen," he said, leading her up the boardwalk from the water. "She didn't tell me that you were coming."

"She didn't know."

"But how did you find us?"

"I went to the Manor first. It's looking just awful by the way, I think loads of Aurors have been there, based on how scared the elves looked. And you should really trim the shrubbery…"

"Luna, how did you get in? No one's supposed to be able to go in unless they know all the enchantments and stuff."

"The gate was wide open, it was just banging in the wind. I don't think there's one enchantment left on the place. But the elves told me where you were. They're really upset you know, I would go try to sort them out if I were you."

Draco seemed very distressed by this news, and once he delivered Luna to the kitchen, he Disapparated straight to the Manor.

"He's not in a very good mood, is he?" said Luna brightly to Felicity, who was sitting at the kitchen table eating French toast.

"No, who is though? Sit down, Luna, and have a cup," Felicity said, offering the teapot.

They sat in silence while Felicity finished her breakfast, and then as she turned to wash the plate. When she returned to the table, she sighed, and would not look at Luna as she began to speak.

"Luna, I have to tell you…If I had known, if I had any idea that you had been imprisoned under my feet for all that time…"

"You couldn't have done anything, even if you had known. It's better you didn't, and that I didn't know you were there either. We both suffered less."

At this, Felicity broke into tears. Luna put her hand on top of hers, and waited for the storm to settle.

"We both suffered too much, and now we have both lost so many things," Felicity said when the tears began to ebb.

"But we gained so much, too. We can go outside, right now, without fear, and walk anywhere we care to, saying anything we want. There's no more danger, and those who died died for us."

At the mention of those who died, Felicity's sobs redoubled, and she began turning her wedding ring around and around her finger. Luna waited again.

"The last thing he did was for me, Luna. He lied to Voldemort because he knew it was what I would want. And by the end…by the end, I thought maybe…" She ran out of words.

"Maybe you could be happy together," Luna finished, very sure of herself. Felicity could only nod. "And you want him to come back, so you could see if it's true."

"Yes," Felicity choked out.

Luna was looking dreamily out the window, and she saw Draco appear again on the beach, stumbling in his first steps. He was holding a lumpy bag, and looked a little like some sort of otherworldly Santa Claus. He made his way into the house, and passed briefly by the kitchen, but did not interrupt. If Felicity noticed him, she did not say.

"But what do you think it would be like now, if he was here?" Luna pressed.

Felicity tried to imagine it. She tried to see all of them playing a friendly game of Gobstones. She tried to see walking in the surf with him, holding hands. She tried to imagine going to bed with him, over and over and over, and never once crying out because he had somehow hurt her yet again. She tried to imagine that without the command of his master, he would want to stay. It all seemed like the fantasy of some ill-informed teenage girl who did not understand how the world really works. It seemed impossible.

"He would never be here, I guess. It just wouldn't be this way."

"Moving on won't be easy, and you are justified in your love. But try to remember what you've just told me when it feels too hard to go on."

* * *

Luna stayed for a few more hours, through a lunch where she told them all about the exotic trips she had planned for the coming months. She was bound and determined to discover at least 10 new magical creatures before returning to Hogwarts, and Draco and Felicity nodded very politely as they both thought of how impossible the goal was. She left after a long hug with Felicity by the water's edge, promising to return as often as she could find time.

"And don't forget," she said just as she was about to Disapparate, "Professor Flitwick promised me that you and I can have a room all to ourselves, if we want it!"

* * *

"Where did you go this morning?" Felicity asked while they watched a Muggle family playing in the water some distance away.

"Home. To the Manor, I mean. When Luna got here, she told me that Aurors had been there and taken down all the wards, and she was right. They went over it with a fine tooth comb, looking for what I don't know."

"Oh Draco, I'm sorry."

"Well, it's best not to put up any resistance to that kind of thing, and I suppose I don't care anyway. Just wish I could have known about it first. I told the elves how to put it right, and got it secured again. And I brought some family things back with me."

She didn't answer him; she was transfixed, watching the children build a sandcastle.

"Felicity," he said, and her head snapped back to him. "I've brought something you should know about, I think. But I want you to be very cautious about it, and not feel any obligation."

"What is it?"

"It's his portrait. It's been done for years now, but it's sort of started to talk more now. You don't have to see it if you don't want to, in fact maybe it's better if…"

"Show it to me."

* * *

She was suddenly very aware of her appearance. Puffy eyes, old, faded shirt she had found in a dresser drawer, hair uncombed for days. But his necklace was still there, and she clutched at it as she waited for Draco to go fetch the portrait.

Draco returned and removed the painting from the bag, placing it before her on the floor, where she knelt in its presence.

Lucius looked at her unblinking, unphased.

"You are upset."

She nodded.

"Because of me."

Nod.

"You will go on."

She wanted so badly to be able to touch him. Her hands were twitching with the desire.

"You're with her now," Felicity said. It was not a question.

"Of course. You always knew I would be."

"And you're happy?"

"I think so."

She was creeping closer, hands now placed gingerly on the portrait.

"You'll ruin the canvas, my dear," he said, and glanced up at Draco. "Perhaps it is time for me to go home." Draco nodded, and picked up the frame. "Goodbye, Felicity."

* * *

When Draco returned, he came to her as she lay on the couch, face into the cushions. He knelt beside her, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"That wasn't him, you know. Portraits aren't really the whole of a person. Just imprints."

She didn't say anything, or move.

"I shouldn't have brought it here. I don't know what I was thinking."

Felicity shook her head, and said something into the pillow that sounded like "It's ok."

"Will Luna come back soon?"

She nodded, and rolled over just a bit, so he could see one bloodshot eye.

"You should invite some friends over too. I want you to be happy."

"Friends?" Draco laughed. "I haven't got any, have I? I'll leave you alone for a bit, then. Dinner soon?"

She nodded again, and as he got to his feet, she said one more thing.

"That was him, Draco. What else would he have said?"

* * *

Severus and Lucius were buried at the Manor, and Felicity did not attend. Harry was there, Draco told her, and many other important people. All she could bear to do was send her wedding ring with Draco to be placed in Lucius's coffin.

"Actually, I think you're supposed to take _his_ ring," he had said when she presented it to him.

"We've never done anything the usual way, I won't be starting now. Just take it," she said, kissing him on the cheek, "and go."


	21. Dear

**I've left a long author's note at the bottom about some of the behind the scenes writing things that have affected this story a lot, if you're interested. If you aren't, just enjoy this chapter!**

 **This probably isn't the end, but we're certainly very, very close.**

* * *

A solicitor from the Ministry of Magic arrived two weeks after the funeral, quite unannounced. He was met with hostility on the front porch by Felicity, who was still in her pajamas. Draco heard her interrogating the man from his room, the window of which was conveniently open.

"Couldn't have sent an owl ahead, even?" he could hear her saying, and noted the particular quality of her voice that meant she would soon be yelling. Draco hurtled out of bed to go get a grasp on the situation, and arrived downstairs in his boxers and an unbuttoned button down shirt.

The man from the Ministry was clearly not impressed with this welcome, and said that he had had enough trouble finding the place without all this shouting, thank you very much. At this point, Draco, whose shirt was now buttoned, albeit incorrectly, invited the man into their topsy-turvy world, and took Felicity into the kitchen so they could brew a pot of tea.

"What are you doing?" he hissed as he set the water to boil. "What did that man do to you?"

"He intruded on my property without the accepted warnings, and he wants to talk about our dead friends and relatives."

"Yes, probably because they've left us lots of money."

"Well, I don't want it!" Felicity cried, luckily muffled by the now screaming kettle.

"Well, you already have it! Now go ask the man what sort of tea he'd like," Draco said, nudging her ahead of him with the tea tray.

* * *

When they were all settled, with a disgruntled Felicity staring out the window with arms crossed on her chest, and with both of the young Malfoys still in their pajamas, the man cleared his throat.

"As I'm sure you know, you've become two of the wealthiest young wizards in Britain, if not the world. All I need to do is officially inform you of these things, and leave just a few objects in your possession, and then I will be happily on my way." He took a piece of parchment from his vest pocket and tapped it with his wand so that it floated in front of his face. "I'm now reading from the will of Lucius Malfoy," he began.

"To my son Draco, I leave all of the Malfoy property, including Malfoy Manor, its acreage, our home at the shore, and all their contents. This comes with the responsibility of sheltering my wife Felicity anywhere she should like to stay, for as long as she would like to stay, along with any future spouse or children she may have.

As for my fortune, I leave it split equally between both Felicity and Draco. I hope that this won't come as bad news to either of them, as half of the Malfoy treasure is already twice as much as any one wizard could dream of having. Each should be given a key to my Gringotts vault, and I trust the goblins of the institution will oversee the equitable division."

The man cleared his throat again, and looked up at them while searching through the pockets of his robe, finally producing two gleaming keys. Felicity still would not look at him, and Draco, with a look of sympathy at the man, took both.

"And then he's left an envelope for each of you," he said, handing out two envelopes on thick grey stationery sealed with gleaming green wax. Draco took these as well; Felicity hadn't budged.

"That's finished up Lucius," he said, looking very glad to be soon gone, "but there is one more thing." He waved his wand, and there was a loud thump that Felicity could not ignore. Turning her head to the man's feet, she saw a trunk that looked entirely too familiar.

"This was found in the possessions of Severus Snape, with a note that made clear it was to be returned to its rightful owner." Then the man reached down and turned the trunk so Felicity could see the front and its clasp; her initials were gleaming there, as bright as the day she had gone to buy it at the age of 11.

* * *

After the man left, practically running away, Draco helped Felicity drag the trunk upstairs.

"Is it just school things?" he asked as they pulled it into her bedroom.

"It should be, unless someone's messed with it. But I think I'd like to open it alone, if you don't mind."

"Not at all." He was fingering the envelopes that the man had left, and he placed Felicity's, along with her key, on her bed. "I'll see you later." Draco left in a hurry, and Felicity knew that it was to go find a quiet reading spot.

With bated breath, she undid the trunk's clasps and lifted the lid. There, on top of a pile of folded robes and neatly stacked books, was another letter.

* * *

Dear Felicity,

Here is your trunk, returned to you at last. At the end of what should have been your sixth year, your classmates packed it up neatly and left it at the foot of your bed, hoping for your return. In turn the house-elves placed it at the bottom of the stairs leading to Ravenclaw tower with the rest of the garbage that was to be taken away. That is where I found it, and since then I've kept it safe in the Headmaster's study. I once asked Lucius if I should return it sooner, and he said he thought the memories might be too much. At the time, I agreed.

I hope that you will need this trunk soon for your inevitable return to Hogwarts, and I'm only sorry that I couldn't return it to you in person. Life has been inordinately hard on you, and I think a return to your home and possessions of another life will serve you very well.

I wish I could have saved you, Felicity. I wanted to take you away from their torture as soon as I knew it was to happen, but there was no way to execute such a plan without betraying my true allegiance and ruining the little hope there was for our victory. In this way, you were one of bravest warriors who fought; you stayed. I tried my best to give you comfort, and to protect you, and I know that those attempts sometimes cost you more than they gave. Forgive me.

Because you are good, I know you will mourn me, but please do not imagine me suffering. I've finally escaped a world that never had a place for me.

Do not fear the future; it holds only opportunity.

Yours,

Severus Snape

* * *

Blinking away tears, she turned to the envelope next to her. The one she had really been dreading; his final words to her. This was her last chance to understand him, to understand anything. She took a deep breath, picked it up, and dropped it. Her hands were shaking. She tried again, and managed to break the seal. Downstairs she could hear Draco moving about; he must have already finished his. Two more deep breaths, then another, and then she finally found the strength to unfold the letter.

* * *

Dear Felicity,

If you're reading this, I can only assume that some unfortunate fate has befallen me. Tragic for myself, lucky, perhaps, for you. As I'm sure you've just heard, you and Draco will never lack for money, or for a place to live; this is the best gift I can give, and the only apology I can truly offer.

It's beyond time to tell you the truth about how I began to feel towards the end of the War. In short, I had many regrets. Ever since Narcissa's death, I saw that I had made the wrong choice with my allegiances, that even though I believed in the cause, no idealized world could possibly exist after so much torture and loss. You showed me this more and more as our time together went on, and I lashed out in reaction to being shown how mistaken I was. But I have always been a coward, and I never could find it within myself to try and escape the life I had created for us.

In our last few weeks, I began to see that you were too bright for me, and I tried to come to terms with the fact that I would have to release you after the war ended. I was surprised to find that the thought of this upset me deeply, and I decided to be kinder to you in case I could make you want to stay. However, without a choice, things will be much easier for you. I know you deserve to be free.

I know that you don't consider yourself brave; let me assure you that you are. Returning to a world of heroes who were able to fight may be difficult, but know that you survived just as much as they did, and in potentially worse conditions.

I hope that one day you'll be happy with someone else, and that you will not let our relationship tether you to the past. You are young and smart and beautiful, and there's no reason why the rest of your life shouldn't live up to the person you are.

I do not know if freedom or love is more important, but I think that freedom is harder to come by, and that you will find more than enough love all around you.

With love,

Lucius

P.S. Please don't talk to my portrait, if you can avoid it. He won't be particularly kind or intuitive, and I doubt it would give you much comfort.

* * *

 **Author's note:**

It's all very sad, isn't it? I do wish that Felicity and Lucius could be together, kind of. And trust me, I played with it a lot. But even the earliest drafts always had Lucius dying at the end, with one significant difference; Felicity was to have not one but two children by him. One, a girl, born several years before his death, and the other a boy, born after the war ends. I liked that a lot because I enjoyed seeing Lucius as a new father, and it was a fun dynamic to play with when Felicity had the baby and she and Lucius were still not at a good point in their relationship. Also, Felicity was going to tell him about her second pregnancy as he was dying (because I'm a sick twisted person, I guess), which I liked to think might have allowed him a moment of happiness at the very end. However, once I wrote a little piece where Felicity was out to lunch with her friends after the war, and it ended with her crying to Luna about how she didn't _really_ want to be a mom, even though she did love her children. She wanted to date a nice boy who loved her and she wanted to start a new life with him, and of course that was impossible when she already had these children to take care of. That was very sad for me, and then I realized that I could give Felicity the chance she was hoping for by simply taking away those children. A sad edit to make, but I'm glad now that Felicity has half a chance to live a normal life.


	22. Imagining Tomorrow

**If you've read this story all the way to the end, thank you so much. It means the world to me that even just a few people have enjoyed it. I might still write a very short epilogue about Felicity's much later life, but I'm not really sure I have a lot of material for something like that.**

 **I also want to dedicate this whole big mess to a very good friend who once went by the name of Audra, and who helped me enormously when this was all just an idea.**

* * *

In an alternate universe, somewhere, Lucius and Felicity are waking up to the sound of the surf. It is very sunny in their room, and as his morning stretch, Lucius squeezes Felicity closer.

"Good morning," he says, nuzzling her neck from behind.

She laughs just a little; it tickles.

"Good morning."

He releases her, and they lay on their backs for a moment. Felicity is grown-up now, really grown up. He doesn't refer to her and Draco as "the children" anymore, and her wand is on the bedside table. She is done with school, and she is happy.

Lucius's Dark Mark has faded to almost nothing, and his last minute change of heart saved him from Azkaban. Felicity has taught him, over the years, that the love he feels for his family makes him special, and that he can use it to change the world. Little prejudices sneak into his words from time to time, but overall, he has come back from the abyss.

Felicity sits up. The world doesn't stop for a beautiful morning shared between lovers. In the room attached to theirs there is a little crib, and she goes through the door, left ajar overnight, and pulls a sleepy baby out of it. She brings her back to bed, and lays her to rest on her father's chest. The rhythm of his breath stops her from fussing, and Felicity just watches them.

* * *

In the real world, two ever disheveled teenagers are eating pie for lunch, in the living room nonetheless. The girl is breaking out quite badly all over her chin, and it's obvious the boy has barely slept for weeks.

"What did yours say?"

"He just wrote about loving me, you know." Draco looked a little embarrassed, cheeks turning red. "And a bit about mother, and how I should take care of you. What about yours?"

"He said he's sorry and that he wished he had the courage to save us. I think he wanted to write more about love but he didn't want to tie me to the past."

"Nice of him."

"Sort of."

* * *

Owls started coming, slow but steady. People wanted to see Felicity, wanted her to come to tea or lunch or parties to celebrate the end of the War. She didn't take up almost any of these offers, but she did invite her closest friends from Dumbledore's Army to the beach.

"It's nothing like the Manor," she said in her letters, "so you don't have to worry about _that_."

They were all glad to see one another, and she began to understand that she wasn't the only one who had suffered so awfully. Draco even played nice with them all, and she once spied him and Ginny laughing together, unprompted by any other conversation.

* * *

On the 1st of September, Felicity and Draco managed to wrangle her trunk and a cage containing the now very fat and spoiled cat he had given her onto the train to London. They rode together in silence for the most part, unsure of what to say. It had been a long time since they had been apart, and now it wasn't clear when they would be together again. Draco intended to close up the beach house for the winter, and try to make something of the Manor with Astoria, who had started to hang around more and more.

"Maybe I'll paint the whole thing white, you know, and make it really modern," he had said a few weeks ago, and they had laughed. In reality, he knew it would probably stay the same as it had always been.

The train ride wasn't too long, and soon they were in familiar King's Cross. There were wizarding children swarming the place, and Felicity was startled to find that many of them were at least two heads shorter than she.

"I don't belong here, Draco. I really don't." She was very overtly nervous, and was clinging to his arm as if it would save her from drowning.

"Don't be stupid. You belong as much as they do." There was a sharp edge on the word _they_ ; he was pointing to an out of the way spot where the others of her age group had congregated. Of course Luna was late, but Hermione was already standing there with Ginny, and a few other people she had once called friends. Hermione waved, and Felicity tried her best to smile back.

"I don't suppose you want to go over there," she said, turning to Draco.

"I'll go if you want me to."

A first year clutching an angry cat in her arms bumped into Felicity, and squeaked "Sorry, Miss!" She and Draco both laughed.

"I guess I'll be ok on my own, then."

"I'll stay until the train leaves."

"I'll be back for Christmas, so don't say I didn't warn you."

"Nah, by then you'll have 5 different suitors, each begging you to come meet his family. But I'll save your seat at the table, just in case."

"Wonderful."

They just looked at each other then, trying to signal how much they were hurting at this parting. Felicity enveloped Draco into a hug that must have lasted a minute, and when she broke away, his face was bright red.

"Until then," he said.

"Yes," she said, and turned to make her way back to her friends.

* * *

She got settled on the train in a compartment with Luna, who had come rushing through the brick wall at 10:58. They were lucky to have one to themselves; Luna's ambiance hadn't changed, and people tended to avoid her.

As the train pulled away, Felicity was able to see through the throngs of parents and younger siblings to where Draco stood, leaning against a pillar. He looked distinctly alone as his eyes searched the windows. When he saw her, he smiled slightly and saluted her. She returned the gesture, and then in a puff of steam, he was gone.

She settled back into her seat, and looked to Luna, whose head was buried in her beaten copy of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them._

"Should we try to be more social, Luna? I feel very much an other right now."

"Let's not worry about it now," Luna said without looking up. "Over time, it should all settle back to normal. For today, let's just try to be comfortable."

Felicity considered this, and propped up her feet. She didn't know if things could ever be normal again, at least not at Hogwarts. But Luna was right; after all that, why push herself? Surely, one day, things would fall into place.


End file.
